


Somewhere Only We Know

by grandpajumpersandeyelashes



Series: If The Stars Align (working title, subject to change) [1]
Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Amy Dyer, Pre-Canon, Slight Canon Divergence, Teen Angst, mentions of Rick Macy/Vicky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-12
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-20 20:37:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2442269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grandpajumpersandeyelashes/pseuds/grandpajumpersandeyelashes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“My dad says it’s not right for two mates to get on like this.” he said in a shaky voice after wiping the tears away. He looked distressed at Kieren before quietly asking, “But if it’s wrong, why do I only feel right around you?”</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rick and Kieren have slowly been realizing they have feelings for each other beyond friendship most of their teenage years. They find a place of their own to escape the rage of Rick's father deep in the woods of Roarton. Promises are made, a few broken, but along the way, they find something that only they know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Sleepless Night

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm starting a new chaptered Rickren fic, which may have at least one sequel in it (I have big plans, but we'll see how far I actually get in it). I gave it the "Under age" category because almost everything in this fic is happening before Rick leaves for Afghanistan, and while I don't plan on it getting smutty or whatever, there will be a few mentions of the two of them messing around a bit. I figured better safe than sorry for that.

“Come off it, Ren, he invited you over, didn’t he?” Rick asked his best friend as they walked towards one of his friend’s houses for his thirteenth birthday party. Truth be told, Rick spent a good twenty minutes convincing him to invite Kieren, but it wasn’t a lie that eventually, Thomas had invited Kieren. He was the one who handed him an invitation, after all.

Kieren bit his lip. “He’s your mate, Rick, you sure he wants me over?” he asked, looking nervous. The small boy was clutching a small package with some video game Rick had bought for Thomas that he wrapped separate from the other gift he got him so Kieren would have something to give. “Maybe you should just give him both of these, I can just walk myself home.” he offered it to his friend.

Rick shook his head. “You can’t give someone two separately wrapped presents, you wanker, I’ll look like I’m trying to suck up or something. Come on!” he insisted, nudging Kieren up the steps to the front door. 

“I’m not a wanker, you tosser!” Kieren argued back, earning a laugh from Rick.

“Like hell, Ren.” he smirked before knocking on the door. “Hi, Mrs. Clarke.” Rick smiled, always one to be able to charm parents. He could charm anyone, really, and none of it was an act; Rick was genuinely like that. “This is Kieren, don’t think he’s been around yet.” he introduced his quiet friend who waved slightly.

She escorted them to where the other boys were in the backyard, setting up tents that they were to sleep in that night. Some of the others teased that they were late, so they’d get the last tent, the smallest of the four, to share instead of one of the nicer ones that night. The others went inside to play video games, leaving Rick and Kieren to set up their own tent. Thankfully for both of them, Rick actually knew how to put up a tent.

Kieren spent most of the night sitting towards the edge of the group, mostly Rick’s friends, just trying to blend in. Rick was a near constant presence at his side. It was Rick who nudged him, prompting Kieren to hand over the wrapped gift that he had been holding until they all gave them to Thomas.

A huge smile spread across Thomas’s face as he opened the package to reveal the video game he had been wanting for some time. Kieren almost let it slip that Rick was the one who bought it, that he hadn’t even thought of buying anything, but Rick shook his head subtly. He wanted to let his friend take credit for it, knowing that Kieren didn’t really have many friends other than him. It would do him well to befriend Tommy or any of the others there.

Kieren was a bit less timid the rest of the night, not quite up to speed with everything that the guys were saying and doing, but he was actively trying to participate. The others guffawed at him when he admitted to not liking any girls at the moment as they all started to go around talking about what girls they liked. Kieren didn’t really want to tell them that it wasn’t so much that he didn’t like anyone at the moment, but that he happened to like a guy. He figured he told a half truth by specifying girl. That would be enough.

Tommy’s mum poked her head out into the backyard around midnight to make the loud group go to sleep. After a quick goodnight, they all crawled into their tents. Rick quickly got into his sleeping bag, always one to quickly respond to parental orders. He couldn’t, however, follow them very well with Kieren shuffling around the tent.

“Ren!” he hissed. “What’re you doing? Go to sleep.”

“Sorry.” Kieren mumbled, laying down.

Before long, Kieren was loudly tossing and turning again, annoying Rick who was trying to sleep. “Kieren!” Rick protested, a rare occurrence of him using his full name. “What’s the matter, mate?” Kieren muttered something in response that Rick couldn’t comprehend. He sighed, sitting up, eyes straining to look at the smaller boy in the dark. “What?”

“I forgot a pillow, it’s fine.” Kieren told him.

“C'mere, Ren.” Rick told him, half chuckling. Kieren hesitated. “You’ll keep me up half the night if you keep it up, mine’s plenty big enough.” he insisted.

Considering the size of the pillow, it was rather unavoidable to be close to each other. They reasoned that there was nothing wrong with it, though they both made a show of complaining about needing more room. Both of them eventually settled in, back to back, only their shoulder blades brushing against each other with each breath. Just enough to keep one of them up most of the night.

He breathed heavily, trying to calm himself down. There was something undeniably fascinating about the other boy. His mind fought to find some sort of courage to just back up a bit more, perhaps even roll over to feel the other against his chest. He tried to work up the courage to do something. Eventually, deeper breaths seemed to be a solution, allowing him to at least receive more contact. His skin tingled at the touch, even through all the layers that lie between Kieren and Rick.

Something made Kieren stir a few short minutes later. “Just fecking do it.” he managed to hear Rick whisper nearly inaudibly to himself. Then Kieren felt him move. First, he noticed the rolling over, then, he felt Rick suddenly against him, unmistakingly intentional. He let out a long, slow sigh as he settled in to his new position.

Kieren didn’t know how to react. Did Rick want more space, is that why he hesitated before doing it? He tested the theory, scooting away slightly, only to feel Rick move towards him a bit, intentionally or not. Curiosity peaked, Kieren experimentally moved a bit more until he felt his back against Rick’s chest. 

Encouraged, Rick even put his arm lightly on Kieren’s waist, gently holding the boy he thought was asleep. As he breathed in Kieren’s scent, he knew that he was perhaps being inappropriate, but he didn’t care. At that moment he was just glad to be close to his best friend. Sleep wasn’t something either of them got much of that night, hearts racing too much as they worried too much about the other waking up and moving away, but it was a night they both would look back on fondly.


	2. Be Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at my lame chapter names, I'm sorry. This one's from Parachute's "Be Here" and yeah I don't know, the song reminds me of them for some reason and yeah it's dumb so sorry. Also I don't know if I should put chapter summaries, so please help me out and comment if you think I should? I can if you guys want, otherwise I feel like I'll just have the overall summary and let the chapters be more of a surprise when they come up. Sorry, I don't know how to handle multi-chaptered fics this is new to me. Thanks for patience!

When Tommy came to walk them up the next morning, he started to enter the tent before stopping dead in his tracks. He looked at them, puzzled for a moment, before backing out. He called from the outside of the tent flap, not wanting them to know that he saw them. Rick jumped at the sudden noise, quickly moving away from Kieren, his head falling off of the pillow. Kieren jumped the other direction. Neither of them talked about it.

They both stretched, acting as if nothing happened the rest of the morning. They walked back to Rick’s house in near silence. Rick was used to it being quiet with Kieren sometimes, that’s just how his best friend was, more apt to express himself in his art than in words sometimes. This wasn’t the usual silence though. He was so certain that Kieren knew. And if Kieren knew, he must hate him now.

“You’re off camping all week, right?” Kieren eventually asked as they got closer to the Macy house. 

Rick paused for a second before cursing softly under his breath. He had forgotten. “Yeah, I’ll be back on Sunday though, if you want to watch the football game together.” he offered. They usually watched games together, though it was mostly Rick who was interested in the game. Kieren usually sat and sketched, just enjoying the company of his friend.

“Yeah, if you come by my house we can turn it on. I think you’re getting Jem into it now, by the way.” Kieren laughed. Rick smiled involuntarily at the beautiful noise. As he was cursing himself in his mind, Kieren spoke again. “Well, I better get back home, my mum’s probably waiting for me. See you Sunday. Bring stuff over if you want to spend the night.”

Rick nodded. Both boys waved their goodbyes as Kieren kept walking past the Macy house towards his own. _He knows. Oh god, he knows_ Rick thought. His heart pounded, and as he walked in the house, he looked like a ghost.

“Alright there, son?” Bill asked stopping his son who wasn’t acting normal. “That hamstring still giving you trouble?”

Rick shrugged, “Yeah, tweaked it a bit last night again.” he told his father, knowing the real reason wouldn’t be welcomed.

Bill smirked and clapped him on the back. “A chip off the old block, you are. That’s the Macy in you, too stubborn for yer own good.” He laughed. “You’ve got to take it easy though, let it heal up before the season starts up again, alright? Team needs you, can’t expect Jackson or Harry to suddenly start scoring like you do now can we?”

Rick nodded, not knowing what to say. That hamstring of his did bother him a lot those few days in the woods with his dad though. He couldn’t remember which of his hamstrings he had hurt a month ago, but tried to limp every now and then for good measure. He couldn’t wait to see the real ‘hamstring’ that was giving him trouble.

\---

“I’m off to Ren’s, mum.” Rick told her just a few minutes after he arrived home. Bill had just as quickly left for the Legion, leaving only his mum to have any sort of protest. Rick knew she wouldn’t. Janet Macy loved Kieren like a second son, no matter how her husband felt about the small boy.

Janet nodded, “Home by lunch tomorrow, Rick.” She called out as he nearly sprinted out the door off to his best friend’s house, an overnight bag in hand. She smiled after him, half laughing at his excitement. Kieren may have been a bit strange, but anyone who could make her Rick that happy was more than welcome in her books.

Rick walked quickly to the Walker’s house, growing more nervous as he neared it. Should he bring it up? Should he just wait to see what Kieren said? Certainly he couldn’t bring it up anywhere near Kieren’s family, so it would probably have to wait until later that night, once they kicked Jem out of Kieren’s room even. Rick just knew that it was wrong to have those thoughts about Kieren, to want to touch him like that, like he was a girl, but he couldn’t stop. Rick simply couldn’t get Kieren Walker out of his mind.

“Hi Rick!” an excited Jem called from the front yard. Lisa was playing with her, some sort of dolls out as they laid in the grass, giggling. Lisa beamed and waved to him as well.

“Hi Jem, hi Lisa.” he smiled as he walked past the girls. He chuckled to himself a bit as he tried to ignore their begging for him and Kieren to come out and play with them. “Maybe later.” he told them, never intending to stay true to it. He didn’t mind spending time with them, really, he wished he would have a sibling more often than not, but today he had more important things that dolls to figure out.

It had been almost a year since the Walkers had told him he didn’t have to knock anymore, but he still hesitated with his knuckles up for a split second before opening the door. Slipping off his shoes, he glanced into the living room, seeing Kieren already perched on the couch, feet tucked under him, completely immersed in the sketch he worked on in his lap. Rick smiled before softly padding over to look over his shoulder. It was the lead singer of one of Kieren’s favorite bands, he realized, drawn incredibly lifelike by Kieren’s already so masterful hand. The same masterful hand that nearly ruined the drawing as he jumped at Rick’s voice.

“That’s great, Ren.”

“Christ Rick!” Kieren scolded, holding his chest. “Give me a heart attack, why don’t you?” he asked, shutting the sketch book. “How long have you been here?”

Rick laughed as he sat next to Kieren. Too close, he decided, scooting a bit more to the side before getting entirely comfortable. “Just got here, thought I’d see what you were up to.” he smirked. Kieren only rolled his eyes. “So, you actually watching the game with me this time?” he teased, gesturing towards the closed book in Kieren’s lap.

“Yeah, I am.” Kieren said, matter of factly. In reality, that’s how he always started the game, but by the time the twentieth minute or so was on, his nose would always end up buried in the book one more time.

Rick couldn’t help but laugh as his stole glimpses at Kieren who was clearly bored, but so stubborn that he wasn’t going to pull out the sketch pad. Kieren smirked, sticking his tongue out at his friend. “Trying to watch football, Rick.” he said sarcastically.

Rick only laughed harder. “No you aren’t.” he accused. “No looking, what’s the score?” he challenged, raising an eyebrow.

“One nothing.” Kieren feigned confidence, though not very well. He was right, but only by pure luck. Rick pressed, asking which team. Kieren felt all the knowledge about the game leave his mind. “The blue one?” he questioned, earning a roaring laugh from Rick.

Rick only laughed harder when Kieren looked back at the TV. “There’s not even a blue team playing, Ren.” he teased, pointing to the screen where a team in red played a white team. “Completely understand the confusion though.”

Kieren made a face before huffily crossing his arms over his chest. “Yeah, well the keeper’s in blue.” he pointed out a few minutes later when he entered the screen. “Shut up.” he muttered when Rick shoved him playfully.

“Didn’t say anything, now did I?” Rick raised his eyebrows, earning his own shove from Kieren.

Kieren finally pulled out the sketchbook during the half and used it the rest of the game. Rick smirked at him until a pencil flew in his direction. They laughed the rest of the evening, hardly able to stop to keep a straight face during dinner with the Walker family. After a few rounds of video games and a movie, Steve sent them up to Kieren’s room for the night.

Rick started to unfold his sleeping bag to lay on the floor when Kieren stopped him. “You slept on the ground for a week, take the bed, I’ll sleep down here.” he offered.

“It’s your bed, Ren, I’m fine. Better’n the rock I spent last night sleeping on, that’s for sure.” Rick joked, laying down on the hard ground.

Kieren only shrugged, telling Rick that he couldn’t complain about it then, since he offered. Rick only smiled in the darkness at his best friend. Kieren made him feel special, important somehow, like he didn’t need to change. He made him feel like the person his dad wanted him to be, even though Ren was anything but what his dad wanted him to be. He couldn’t have asked for a better best friend, he thought.

He could have asked for a softer floor though. Rick had been exaggerating when he said that he had slept on a rock the last night. In reality, there probably was a rock under him, but he had been in soft grass, not the hard surface he was on now. He sighed, about to complain about it when he heard Kieren’s breathing, slow and deep. He kept his mouth shut, simply listening to the steady breathing of his sleeping friend, hoping it would somehow lull him to sleep.

He spent a good half hour trying to get comfortable after that, all attempts failing. In his defence, he was sure it had to have been at least a couple of hours by the time he sat up and peeked at Kieren’s bed. Kieren was as small as ever, curled up in a tight ball in the middle of the bed. There was more than enough room for him on there...

Kieren made a confused, sleepy noise as he felt Rick’s weight shift the mattress. “Just me, Ren. Scoot over, the floor sucks and there’s room for the both of us, yeah?” Kieren shifted slightly, humming quietly in what Rick could only assume was agreement. “Night, Ren.” he whispered.

“Night, Rick.” Kieren sighed before his breathing again steadied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for the read everyone, I hope that you like the new chapter. I apparently like the end them in similar ways. Sorry it took so long to get put up, I was busy with school and on a college visit but I'll shoot for trying to update as often as possible.


	3. Like That

The mid-morning sun peeked through the windows onto Rick’s face. As gracefully as any teenage boy could wake up, he opened his eyes, slightly disgruntled by the sudden intrusion. He was surprised though, by the resistance to raise his tingling right arm. Disoriented momentarily, he had to remember for a second that he was at Kieren’s house. The weight on his arm was Kieren.

Rick laughed quietly as he slowly slid out from under the shared covers. Kieren groaned, trying to keep the source of warmth he had latched onto during the night where he was, unsuccessfully. Never a morning person, Kieren just pulled the blankets tighter around himself trying to trap as much heat as possible.

When he opened the door, he saw a quick flash of a purple clad girl dashing back into her room. He chuckled as he followed Jem across the hall, entering her doorway just as she was trying to get back into bed to avoid being caught by Rick.

“Now if only Jem was awake, maybe then we could go downstairs and get some breakfast.” he teased, sitting on the edge of her bed. She giggled, her eyes still shut, trying to keep up the facade. “I guess she won’t get to eat the blueberry pancakes I can smell downstairs.”

“Rick, wait!” Jem laughed, getting out of bed and chasing after him down the stairs.

Sue and Steve welcomed the flurry of stocking covered feet, wishing them a good morning before Sue grabbed the plates and put the food out for them. Rick thanked them both graciously for the breakfast, silently saying the prayer his dad always made him recite at meal times before devouring the food in front of him.

“Kier still asleep?” Steve asked as Rick was shoveling a forkful into his mouth as if he hadn’t eaten with them the previous night. Rick nodded as he swallowed, downing it with some of the orange juice in front of him.

Sue smiled, squeezing his shoulder as she put more onto his plate. “Now if only Rick would rub off on him a bit, then maybe we’d see him before noon comes around.” She said fondly.

Rick smiled at her, grateful for the extra food. He was never one to turn down extra, especially not at the Walker house where they treated him like family. “Thank you, Mrs. Walker.”

Sue tsked slightly. “Rick, what did I tell you?”

Rick blushed, “Thanks, Sue.”

Steve grinned over the newspaper he was reading. “Maybe it’s Jem who he should rub off on.” Jem made a face at that. “Well, someone ought to teach you some matters, missy.” he joked.

Rick looked down, embarrassed a bit by the Walker’s kindness. He was used to the way his dad always told him to do something better, show more respect, be less loud, more of a man, that he didn’t always know how to respond. Maybe that was why he spent so much time at their house, other than Kieren of course. Something about them made him feel worth more than he ever did at his own house. They were like a second family.

After breakfast was finished, Rick excused himself back up to Kieren’s room. Kieren was still laying in bed, obviously still awake, but not wanting to move. Rick laughed, sitting on the bed next to him, nudging him a few times. Kieren groaned, leaning in until his face was against Rick’s leg.

Rick laughed at him, “Why are you like that?” he asked.

Kieren rolled over to look Rick in the eye, head resting in his lap. “Like what?” the blonde asked, not sure at all what his friend meant. “Tired? Maybe because you’re a bed hog.” he teased.

“You do that, Ren.” Rick chuckled. Kieren, still half asleep, looked at Rick bewildered. “You’re always right there, you know...” he shrugged, not sure how to phrase it. _Not that I mind_ Rick added silently.

Kieren sat up. He gave Rick a look of indignation. “You were the one who came into my bed last night. And don’t even say anything about Tommy’s because you were the one who told me to share your pillow.”

Rick frowned, “That’s not what I meant, Ren.” he tried to defend himself. _Tell him!_ he tried to convince himself. “I don’t mind, you’re my mate after all, but I mean, you’re the only one who does is all.”

“You’re my best mate, Rick, and pretty much my only one.” Kieren said, vulnerability in his voice. “I didn’t think it mattered. Sorry.”

The discouraged look on Kieren’s face made Rick feel as though he was melting. Every part of him wanted to envelop Kieren in a hug and not let go until he felt with every fibre of his being how much he loved him. Instead, he only reached out with a hand on Kieren’s back. “Hey, you’re my best mate too. It doesn’t matter, promise.” Rick gave him a soft smile.

Kieren sniffled slightly, blinking away moisture from his eyes. Rick pretended it wasn’t there, knowing Kieren wouldn’t have wanted him to see. Returning the small smile, Kieren leaned in, arms gently wrapping around Rick’s torso. Rick returned the hug, though felt Kieren pulling away before he could muster the courage to whisper in his soft hair how he felt.

“I’ve got to get back to my house soon, help my mum with lunch.” Rick told his friend after a few moments of silence. “If you want to come by Thursday we can do something.” he suggested. Kieren only shrugged, still beating himself up for ho he acted around Rick. “See you, Ren.” Rick finally said, standing to leave.

“Bye, Rick.” Kieren said softly.

After watching Rick leave, Kieren looked around his room, seeing paint supplies and sketches strewn about haphazardly. His eyes landed on a calendar in the wall, Thursday circled in red, Rick’s favorite color. Kieren had forgotten it was nearly Rick’s birthday, and spent almost all of his allowance on art things he had wanted. Jem wouldn’t want to give him any of hers, she was saving up for a new CD she wanted, and his dad wouldn’t give him more, using the excuse that kieren needed to start being more responsible with his money.

Kieren’s eyes darted around the room. He supposed there were a few things he could give Rick that wouldn’t cost him anything more and only used what he already had. He found a blank page in his sketchbook and pulled out a pencil. Quickly, but with no lack of care for precision, Kieren drew. Over the course of a few days, he managed to complete several drawings to go with the CD he had personally made for Rick.

First was Rick’s favorite player kicking the ball into a net, the keeper having been duped into believing the ball’s trajectory was on the other side of the net. The next one was more difficult, mostly because Kieren had problems drawing Rick different than how he was already. He did however, manage to draw what looked like could have been him wearing the jersey of his favorite football team, Macy #3 on the back of it in case it wasn’t entirely clear that the player was supposed to be him in the future. Kieren added a few others of different things that Rick liked, and finally ended it with a drawing of the two of them together, Rick’s arm around his shoulder like he did sometimes, both of them laughing, happy to be together.

Kieren looked at that sketch for a long time, debating if it should go with the rest, before he shook his head. Rick would never feel the same way as him, and it was too weird to add that to the gift. Instead, he folded the sheet, tucking it under his mattress before laying back, and for the fourth night in a row, fell asleep thinking of Rick Macy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, next chapter as you may have guessed is going to have some drama, as you may have guessed. Thank you to everyone who has continued reading, you guys are all awesome and I love you lots! As always, comments are welcomed and appreciated!


	4. Broken Glass and Broken Hearts

Kieren was so excited to get to Rick’s house for his birthday that he had walked nearly halfway to his friend’s house before realizing he had left him bag with Rick’s gifts in his bedroom. He rushed back to his own house to grab it, to find that Jem had put something on top with a note scrawled across the package in her sloppy writing “TO RICK FROM JEM”. Kieren smiled, making a mental note to make sure he got the gift to Rick.

He didn’t stop to look through the trees like he usually did, so he managed to make it to the Macy’s house right as Rick was expecting him. He had been kicking around a football, working on some handling when Kieren walked up. A laugh escaped Rick’s lips as Kieren nearly tripped over the ball that he had passed to him. A blush spread across Kieren’s cheeks as Rick threw his arm around his shoulders and walked him towards the house, still laughing as he kicked the ball back to the corner of the yard.

Eventually, when Rick quieted some, Kieren was able to finally get in a word. “Happy birthday, Rick.” He smiled, reaching in to hand him the two wrapped gifts he had. “Smaller one’s from Jem. My parents have got something at our house for you too if you want to come by tomorrow.”

Rick grinned at the packages. He jokingly weighed them with his hands, feeling through the wrapping paper to try to guess what it was. He noticed the way Kieren cringes as he pressed against the package that was from him. “I’m guessing there’s some drawings in here.” he teased.

Kieren bit his lip, looking up to the sky. “Maybe.” he responded.

“I’ll save the best for last then.” Rick winked as he opened the door, letting Kieren in with him. The walked up to Rick’s room as he fumbled with the wrappings of Jem’s gift. He gently set the package from Kieren on the table next to his bed as he sat to reveal what Jem had given him. He pulled out a leather bracelet and examined it for a bit.

“She’s in a phase where she’s making bracelets for everyone...” Kieren complained, pushing his sleeve up his arm to reveal two of them that Jem had given him. “You don’t have to wear it.” he assured him.

Rick shook his head, tying it around his left wrist with the assistance of his teeth. “No mate, tell her I love it. Not going to take it off ‘less I’ve absolutely got to.” he smiled. Kieren smiled and nodded, eyes flicking to where the gift he had brought from himself sat. “I’m getting there, calm down mate.” Rick laughed, grabbing it.

Teasing his impatient friend, he slowly and meticulously removed the wrapping paper in order to take as much time as possible. Kieren rolled his eyes, trying not to laugh at the look of concentration on Rick’s face as he tried so hard to be gentle with the package. He made a big show of refolding the paper as if it was going to be reused before examining the box that held the contents of Kieren’s gift to him.

The ensuing laughing fit incapacitated both boys for a few minutes. Eventually though Rick did open the box. He smiled at the CD, but set it aside on the dresser to look at the drawings Kieren had made for him.

Kieren tried to hide the sparkle in his eyes and the blush across his face as Rick looked at awe at the drawings. Rick had always admired Kieren’s talent, and spent a few minutes looking at each picture specifically, soaking in every detail he could. He met Kieren’s eye and smiled as he flipped between each of them.

“These are phenomenal, Ren.” Rick told him.

Kieren beamed, “Thanks.”

“How come you can do all this but I can’t draw a line properly?” Rick asked laughing as he spread the drawings across his bed to admire them simultaneously. “It’s not fair.”

“How come I trip over my own two feet and fall on my arse when I so much as look at a football?” Kieren countered with raised eyebrows. The barking laugh Rick let out caused his feigned serious face to dissolve into a soft smile.

Rick stood and walked over to Kieren, wrapping his arms around him. “Thanks, Ren.” he said softly into his friend’s hair, trying to ignore the way his heart raced. He could only hope that Kieren couldn’t feel the hammering in his chest.

He didn’t have much to worry about, and Kieren was too focused on trying to remember how to breath properly as his arms wrapped around Rick, hugging his friend back. “You’re welcome.” he eventually mumbled into Rick’s chest. “You’re my best mate, Rick, I’d do anything for you.”

Just as those words escaped the smaller boy’s mouth, the door opened. Standing there was Bill Macy who had only caught the last few words of the conversation. Rick and Kieren jumped apart, startled by his sudden entrance more than anything, though it did not help either of their cases as Bill looked around the room, anger clear in his eyes.

“Huggin’ like a sissy still, are ye?” Bill scoffed at Rick. “And you, puttin’ that idea in my son’s head, to act like a couple o’ pansies instead o’ acting like you’re supposed to.”

Kieren shrunk back in fear, something that Rick hadn’t known for a long time. He just stood, eyes not quite meeting his father’s as the words came out. “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, dad.” he said, obviously a rehearsed line that he used far too often.

“You sure as hell had better not...” Bill’s voice trailed off as his eyes fell on the CD that sat on the dresser, yet to be viewed by Rick. His jaw clenched as he picked it up. “What’s this?” he nearly shouted, looking at it like it was poisonous.

“Ren made it for me... For my birthday...” Rick said hesitantly. He wasn’t even sure his father had remembered that today was his birthday. He hadn’t said anything before leaving for work that morning, and he had evidently just gotten back from the legion, a normal after work activity for him.

Bill had a sudden look of calm on his face as he turned to the small boy who was trying his hardest to be invisible. “Get out of my house. You disgust me.” he spat, venom in his voice.

Kieren looked on the verge of tears as he started towards the door only to hear “Never show your mug around here again!” followed by the distinctive sound of broken glass as he reached the front door. Janet had given him a quick sympathetic look before he escaped out the door. 

He made it halfway home before the tears started to fall. He stopped by the small swing set that no one used anyways, sitting to try to compose himself before getting home. Why was he so disgusting to Bill Macy? Why was he the object of his hatred? Why did Rick have to deal with that on a daily basis? How was that fair?

Meanwhile, Rick sat in shock in his room after his father left, surrounded by the glass from the CD case and the CD itself in shards. His heart broke at Kieren’s hard work from the drawings shredded on the floor. The only thing that remained intact was the bracelet from Jem, and likely only because he had pushed his sleeve down fast enough to hide it from his father.

“Are you going to clean that shit up?” Bill demanded when he walked past his son’s room.

“Yes sir, sorry.” Rick responded. Hardly 14 years old, and already a perfect soldier.

His mother had set the broom out for him, knowing that he would be the one forced to clean up his father’s mess. Bill had a habit of making others deal with the consequences of his actions. Rick got back to his room and crouched by what was left of the CD. Why a CD was so bad that his father had to destroy it was beyond him. Sure, sometimes Kieren’s choice of music was a little off, but so was his Ren, and that’s what he liked so much about him.

Finally, it caught his eye. A small heart drawn on a piece, followed by Kieren’s distinctive R, having obviously signed it as being from Ren. Rick carefully grabbed the shard, wrapping it in clear tape to cover the sharp edges before pocketing it. He didn’t know what he was going to do with it, but he was going to hold onto every piece of Ren he could, considering his father had probably completely scared the other boy away for good.

Once he was finished cleaning the mess his father left behind, Rick walked down to the kitchen where he saw his father around the corner, sitting with a beer in hand in front of the TV. He walked towards his mum, a pleading look in his eye. “Mum, did you still want me to bring that letter to the post before dinner?” he questioned, hoping and praying that his mother would understand that he had to find Ren.

Janet looked at her son quizzically for a moment before nodding and handing him an envelope she saw on the table that was addressed but didn’t have anything in it yet. “Yes, that would be great Rick.” she said softly, handing it to him.

“The post is almost closed, you couldn’t have done it for your mother before? You too ungrateful to help your mum out when she asks, gotta wait until later to do it?” Bill scoffed from the living room. “Someone’s got to teach you a little respect.”

“Bill, I told him to wait so I could finish with it.” Janet assured, trying to protect her only son from his anger. “Go on, Rick, your father’s right, it won’t be much longer. Hurry off, then.” she told him.

Rick walked at a normal pace while the house was still in sight before sprinting off, opposite of the post office and towards Kieren’s house with one thing in mind: he had to make it right somehow. He had to show Kieren he didn’t hate him, that he felt quite the opposite of that towards him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some of the next chapter planned out and written, I just felt like it needed to be split in two so that it wouldn't be drastically longer than the other chapters. Plus this way you guys could have an update before like Wednesday because I'm awful about updating, so I'm sorry about that. I hope you enjoyed it!


	5. Somewhere Only We Know

He found Kieren almost exactly where he expected him to be, the old run down swing set between their houses. He stopped along the edge of the tree line, hesitating for just a moment. Would it be better to just let Kieren go? He’d be happier without him in the long run, wouldn’t he?

The sudden shuddering sob that Kieren let out immediately vanished that thought from Rick’s head. He walked slowly towards him, not wanting to startle his friend. He softly cleared his throat, just loud enough to warn Kieren of his presence before squatting next to him, his hand on Kieren’s back.

“I’m sorry, Rick.” Kieren choked out, unexpectedly.

Rick looked at him, entirely confused as to why Kieren was apologizing. “What for, mate?”

Kieren wiped at his face with the sleeve of his sweater. “For ruining your birthday. For being a freak. For everything, I guess.” he paused as his jaw quivered. “You probably hate me.”

Rick could feel his heart shatter at the words. Hate Ren? He could never come anywhere near hating Ren. Ren was his best mate, Ren was different. He was special. Rick however, was back with words, so he simply wrapped his arms around his friend, pulling him close again.

Kieren returned the gesture, quickly burying his face in the nook between Rick’s neck and shoulder. He cried a little while he was there, Rick slowly rubbing his back to calm him down. “I thought you told your dad you wouldn’t do this anymore.” Kieren eventually said in a defeated tone.

“There’s a lot of things I tell my dad that aren’t exactly true, Ren.” Rick whispered into his hair.

Kieren shifted to be able to look Rick in the eyes. “Like what?” he asked.

Rick bit his lip. He took a deep breath with his eyes closed before speaking slowly. “I tell him that I like football, that I don’t like school, that I want to join the army like he was going to...” His voice suddenly dropped several decibels until it was hardly audible, “That I like some random girl because that’s what he wants to hear.”

Kieren gave him a soft smile as he pulled away from the hug. “So what now then?”

“We hang out at your house instead of mine.” Rick suggested.

“You’re dad though... He wouldn’t let you.” Kieren hung his head.

“We find somewhere else then. Somewhere only we know about. Yeah?”

Kieren didn’t know how to respond, so he returned to Rick’s embrace. Rick smiled, holding him maybe a little too tight for a little too long, but not caring. He buried his face in Kieren’s hair, not wanting to let go. He couldn’t let his best friend go, not because of his dad especially.

“12 o’clock, here, tonight. Think you can get out?” Rick asked, receiving a nod from Kieren. Nothing was going to stop him from seeing Rick again. “Alright, I’ll see you then. I’ve got to get back, but I’ll be here, promise.” He told him, lips brushing ever so slightly against his forehead as he made his promise.

\---

The dark was not something Kieren enjoyed. He felt his heart racing as he sat in the chilly air, trying not to use the torch he stole from his dad. The last thing he wanted to do was get caught. When he heard rustling in the bushes behind him, however, he was just hardly able to suppress a shout of surprise as he flicked it on.

“Oi, not in my eyes, Ren.” Rick laughed, flinching away from the light beam aimed directly at his face. The light stayed on, but the torcher’s wielder flung himself onto him, nearly shaking. “I’m sorry, I’m late. I shouldn’t’ve scared you. I almost got caught.”

Kieren’s jaw still quivered a bit as Rick kept one arm around his shoulder, guiding him away from the rendezvous spot. Kieren was leaning into him, glad for extra warmth as well as the more powerful torch Rick had with him. It helped to hear Rick quietly telling him that it was fine, he was there and nothing was going to happen.

Kieren soon recognized where they were heading. He let out a soft whine as the tree line drew nearer. The woods were unsettling enough sometimes when it was light out, the last thing he wanted to do was enter it at night.

Rick rubbed his shoulder soothingly, pulling him even closer. “I know a sport in there, there’s a den not too far back, nothing’s going to happen, ok? I’ve been there loads of times, sometimes when it’s dark like this. I won’t let anything happen to you, Ren.” he promised.

Kieren’s face didn’t relax from the terrified scowl, but he quietly agreed. Most of the walk was spent with him buried in Rick’s side, but sure enough, they were rather shortly in a clearing with a rock formation in front of them.

Rick smiled at Kieren, shaking him just slightly as he motioned towards the den. He dropped his arm from Kieren and began walking towards it. Kieren froze, the sudden lack of Rick disconcerting. Before he could get far, Kieren stretched out and grabbed his hand before trailing just an arms length behind him.

Kieren hadn’t even noticed the bag Rick had on his other side until it was suddenly set down on the floor of the cave. “Help me spread these out so we can see without the torch.” Rick told him, giving him some candles he had lifted from the supply room in his house. Kieren took them as Rick lit a match to start lighting them.

Once the den was flickering with the soft light of the dozen or so candles, Rick shut off the torch. He reached again to the bag, and pulled out a large pillow to set on the ground. “Could only find one my parents wouldn’t notice missing.” he explained, motioning for Kieren to sit next to him on the pillow.

Kieren sat next to him, pulling his knees to his chest. He had a habit of trying to take up as little space as possible, as if he didn’t want to be a burden to those around him. Rick only smiled at him before putting his arm behind him. Kieren’s eyes flickered to his, and if he wasn’t mistaken, his lips for just a split second before meeting his eyes again. 

The sudden racing of Rick’s heart made him forget anything that would do well in the situation, so he loudly yawned. “You tired too, Ren?” he asked, stretching for emphasis. Kieren shrugged. “We can sleep here for a bit, my watch will wake me up at four, then we can head back before our parents know we’re gone.” he suggested.

Kieren nodded, leaning against the rock behind him. “Have you got a blanket in that bag of yours?” he asked, not so much because he was cold but because it was always a source of comfort for him to be wrapped up and warm. Rick’s curse made it clear he hadn’t thought to grab one. “It’s alright.” he said as he shifted down to lay down, head on the pillow.

Rick laid down as well, the cold rock of the den getting to him a bit. Both boys were fighting shivers when Kieren suddenly wrapped himself around Rick, mumbling “It’s cold...” as justification before falling asleep.

He breathed as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake Kieren up as he laid awake even hours later. He quietly chuckled when Kieren mumbled something in his sleep, incoherent as it was lost in his chest. “Goodnight, Ren.” he whispered, lips again brushing against Kieren’s forehead, this time a little more conviction as he left one soft kiss behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm not creative and couldn't come up with a unique title so this chapter shares the title of the work itself. I'm also really sorry that it took me longer than expected to update. I've hardly been home lately and when I am usually don't have much time to write. I'll try to be more timely from now on!


	6. The Morning After

Rick’s eyes fluttered open to see Kieren laying next to him, curled up with him to preserve heat. His doe eyes opened just a moment later, sleep still in his eyes, a tired smirk spreading across his face.

“Morning, Rick.” he greeted, closing his eyes again before burying his face into his chest.

Rick chuckled at the other groggy boy, moving his arm lightly underneath him to shake him a bit. “Morning, sleepyhead.” he smiled. “That usually implies getting up, you know.”

Kieren moved his head back to the pillow, looking Rick in the eyes, sharing air in the close proximity they were laying in. “You’re not getting up, either, you know.” the blonde countered. Both smirked at each other and laughed.

“I don’t want to get up.” Rick told him quietly, reaching up to brush hair away from Kieren’s eyes.

“Neither do I.” Kieren whispered, looking towards the hand that still lingered on his face. Suddenly self conscious, Rick began to pull it away when he felt Kieren’s hand grab his wrist, cementing it in place. “It’s fine.” he said equally as quietly.

Neither moved for some time, just looking into each other’s eyes, until Kieren’s closed, along with the gap between him. He could taste Kieren’s breath as his own caught in surprise, savoring the lightest of touches as his lips first brushed against his.

Beep beep beep!

“Fuck.” Rick said quietly, suddenly awake from his dream. When he looked to his right, however, he wasn’t so sure. There was the other boy, curled up with his back pressed against him, still sound asleep. Rick gently moved his arm from around Kieren’s waist, instead using it to shake him gently awake. “Ren, come on, we’ve got to get home.” he told the groggy boy.

“A few more minutes...” Kieren mumbled, burying his face into the pillow more.

Rick sighed, rubbing Kieren’s back gently, the way his mum would sometimes do if she woke him up instead of his dad. “Ren, you’ve got to get up. Our parents will kill us if they find out we snuck out.” he tried to reason. After he said it, he realized that Kieren didn’t really have much to worry about, his parents were much kinder than his father, but Kieren understood. Their main concern was Bill finding out.

Kieren sat up, stretching. “This rock is shit.” he complained, his back and neck cracking as he stood. “I’ve got an old mat at home my parents won’t know is missing kind of small, but better than nothing, right?”

Rick smiled. He had been worried that Kieren wouldn’t want to come out to the den again. “Yeah, sounds good Ren.” he told him as he grabbed the torches they had brought. “Come on, help me blow these out.” he said, motioning the the candles that hadn’t yet burnt out. “Probably shouldn’t’ve left those going.” Rick chuckled, turning on the torches.

“Thanks.” Kieren muttered when Rick handed him the brighter of the two torches. He bit his lip a bit as they began to head back into the woods.

Rick lead him the best way to go through from the den to Kieren’s house. It really wasn’t that far, and it would have been hard to get lost. Kieren felt more comfortable this time, Kieren decided, but didn’t tell Rick who had a hand on his back, meant to comfort him as they worked their way through the dark.

Not long after, they reached Kieren’s street. “Think you can come out some time this afternoon? half three, maybe? Since we never got to talk, really?” Kieren asked. Rick nodded. “Thanks.” Kieren said, looking down. He did eventually wrap his arms around Rick’s neck, giving him a quick hug before saying goodbye for the time being.

\---

Kieren managed to find his way out to the den just fine in the light. He, Rick, and Philip had been out that way a few times when they were younger, so he knew roughly where it was. He kept wondering, however, if somehow Rick had forgotten the way.

He gave him fifteen, twenty, thirty, forty minutes before he started to worry. Maybe he just forgot the time. It was late, we were both tired, Kieren reasoned, returning to his sketchbook. Nothing of real substance was being drawn though, unable to focus with his nerves about Rick not yet being there. He wondered if Rick simply didn’t want to see him again.

It took an hour and thirteen minutes, but Rick eventually came huffing into the den. “Ren, I’m sorry. My dad was making me...” His voice trailed off as he saw the tears streaming down Kieren’s face. He sat down next to the other boy on the mat he must have dragged out, who knew how without being caught, moving the crumpled paper from frustrated sketches. He opened his mouth, but it was Kieren’s voice that came out in a choked sob.

“You hate me, don’t you?” he asked, unable to look up.

“Course not, Ren, why would I hate you?” Rick asked, putting an arm around his shoulders. His brow creased, worried about his friend and unsure how to comfort him.

Kieren shook his head, burying his face in Rick’s collarbone for a short while until he had the tears under better control again. “Your dad...”

“My dad’s a dick, Ren.” Rick told him, looking his in the eye the best he could. “Just because he says stuff like he does, doesn’t mean I agree, Ren.”

“Why’d you let him say that, then? Why not stand up to him?” Kieren asked.

Rick hung his head. “I can’t, Ren, you know why.” he replied.

Tears shimmered in Kieren’s eyes as he looked at Rick, concerned. “I thought you said he stopped, Rick. That he didn’t anymore.”

Rick shrugged. “He doesn’t, not bad anyways. Only when he’s drunk and I’ve done something wrong.” Kieren looked at him distressed by the news. “He’s just trying to make sure I don’t get into trouble, Ren.”

Kieren scoffed, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. “Thought you just said he was a dick. Now you’re worried about his ‘the good books or the bad books’ crap?” Kieren asked, unable to understand his friend.

“I don’t agree with him, Ren...”

“But he’s your dad.” Kieren mimicked. Rick sighed, his head falling back against the rock. They stayed silent for a while, Rick having learned that sometimes staying silent meant that the attack would stop, and Kieren that it was important to let the other have their chance to speak. When he didn’t, however, Kieren began, softer. “I’m sorry, Rick, I just don’t understand. He barred me from your house, Rick. You’re my best mate, only mate, really. I don’t know what to do without you. I don’t want to lose you.” Kieren sniffled.

“Ren,” Rick began in a soft tone, “I’m not leaving you, not losing my best mate. I can’t help what my dad does, Ren, but I won’t let that stop us from being mates, yeah?” he offered. Kieren observed him with his mesmerizing eyes, contemplating what Rick said before nodding. “Good. And Ren, I’m sorry. I’ll fix it somehow, promise.”

“Ok.” Kieren said softly, resting his head against Rick’s shoulder. “I’m sorry your dad got mad at you. I shouldn’t have.”

Rick thought of the heart from the small shard. “I’m glad you did, Ren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look at me updating way earlier than usual! As I said on tumblr (ps I'm worsethanazombie if you care to follow, if you post ITF there's a 300% chance I'll follow you) I'm going to try to finish this entire fic by basketball season, so it will hopefully either be done by the 17th (when practice starts) or the 2nd of December when we have our first game. I think there are going to be about 5 chapters left, but that isn't set in stone. Also sorry, this wasn't the best chapter, but more should happen in the one that should be posted some time this weekend. I just needed to have some of this stuff in the story I felt like.


	7. Practice

Almost every day when the weather permitted, Kieren and Rick would meet in the den. Kieren would often sketch, Rick would bring along his pocket knife and whittle like his dad had taught him on their frequent survivalist camping trips. They passed the time in comfortable silence, sometimes, and other times they spoke for hours on end. Kieren ran out of words with other people quite quickly, but he never thought he’d run out of things to say to Rick Macy.

They usually would spend the night in the cave on either Friday or Saturday night, sharing the mat Kieren had lifted, a few blankets they both grabbed, and body heat. It was unspoken between them that when they were going to go to sleep, Rick’s arms would be around Kieren’s waist, and Kieren pressed up against him. Usually, they pretended to be asleep as they drifted towards each other, but some nights, if Kieren was having a hard time, he would curl into Rick long before either was tired for some sort of comfort.

As the months went on, Rick noticed things change in Kieren. He had always done his best to protect his friend from bullies, but the constant teasing and torment got to him. Rick never understood how anyone could show an ounce of hatred towards someone with as beautiful of a soul as Kieren. By the time they were fifteen, Kieren carried with him antidepressants that he had to take daily, prescribed by someone through the school. The first time he had those, Rick held him tight most of the night, wishing somehow he could take any of the hurt his friend experienced away from him.

After some time on the medication, Kieren began to change again. He started wearing black band shirts, leather jackets, black, red, or gray skinny jeans tucked into clunky combat boots, Jem’s hoop earrings broken off to be used as lip rings, and even one or two times at the den, black eyeliner. Rick understood it, it was still Ren, it was just his way of rebelling. He never talked about it, never really judged it.

By the age of 17, Rick had become quite the handsome young man. He had many of the girls from Roarton nearly swooning over him, not that he had even really noticed. Most of his time at school and when he could get away from home was spent with Kieren, whose attention he was more intent on holding. His father had called him out one day though, telling him it was about time he had a girlfriend, that “Those girls in the bikinis you hung up everywhere” weren’t enough for a boy like him, he “ought to have a real girl”. Rick didn’t point out that his father had hung those posters a few weeks past his 15th birthday.

Despite a lack of interest, he did in fact go through with his father’s idea, telling Kieren that he’d be later than usual to get to the den one Saturday when he was going to be on a date with Vicky Barnes. Rick figured that they were sort of friends anyways, so it couldn’t be that bad to spend some time with her. He enjoyed himself, really, but found himself wanting to bring her home early to get to Kieren in the den.

He had Bill’s truck for the night so they could go a bit out of Roarton to find some entertainment. After their forty minute drive to dinner and a bit of walking around in a different village, he pulled into her driveway to bring her home. He was about to wish her goodbye when she leaned in towards where he sat. He froze, suddenly wide eyed, unable to turn like she so obviously wanted him to. Eventually, she pecked his cheek and wished him a good night.

Frustrated with himself, after waving goodbye one more time, he tore off to drive as far into the woods as he could before running off in the direction of the den. When he got in, he found Kieren sitting in the mouth of the cave, drawing something like he usually was when Rick got there. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw him at his work.

“Whatcha working on?” Rick asked, sitting next to him. He couldn’t help but grin wider as Kieren bit his lip, concentrating on the sheet while he finished the part he was finally getting just right. He tilted the sheet towards Rick, wordlessly. Recently, words weren’t Kieren’s favorite thing to use. Rick understood, not taking any offense to it, just hoping that Kieren would be in the talking mood when they were alone. “I’ve got my dad’s truck, not too far, if you want to sit in there, listen to some music or something.”

Kieren smiled and nodded. He reached out for Rick’s hand, the bigger of the two pulling both of them up with one smooth motion. Rick guided Kieren to the truck, letting him in before sitting behind the steering wheel and turning on the radio.

“So why were you late tonight?” Kieren asked after a few songs played, finally breaking the lack of conversation.

“Had a date.” Rick shrugged. Kieren looked at him curiously, so he expanded, “With Vicky Barnes, from school. We got some dinner a couple of towns over and walked around a bit. My dad’s idea, saying I need to start seeing some girl or whatever.” If Rick wasn’t mistaken, Kieren almost looked hurt.

“How was it?”

“S’all right, most of it.” Rick shrugged. “Fucked up at the end, though.” Rick laughed, rummaging in the truck to find the pack of fags his dad always left there. He lit one for himself before giving one to Kieren. “She’s sitting right where you are, right? In her drive. Leans over, obviously going to kiss me, but I froze and sat here like an idiot because I wouldn’t’ve thought she’d do that.”

Kieren bit back a grin. He understood why Rick was nervous, but he took every precious moment he could to cherish his perfect friend’s perceived shortcomings in any aspect he could. Soon Rick was laughing, putting out his cigarette, Kieren soon following suit.

“Fuck off, Ren. You ever kissed a girl?” Kieren nodded, making Rick guffaw. “No you haven’t you bloody liar.”

Kieren shrugged, “Just once, couple of years ago, girl named Amy Dyer.”

“You’re making that up, I don’t know her.” Rick accused.

“Goes to Girl’s Grammar, Dorothy Dyer’s granddaughter.” Kieren insisted. “Told me I was her ‘BFF’ and planted one on me after some party. We hung out a few times when you were off camping before she had to leave.”

Rick nodded his head, knowing Kieren was an awful liar, so he was obviously telling the truth if he had that much detail. “Well then, Ren, How do you kiss a girl then?” Kieren shrugged. “Come on, then, you’re the expert, Walker.” Rick teased, grinning at his friend.

“Don’t know how to describe it, you just sort of do.” Kieren told him.

“I just figure I probably should next time, seeing as she probably thinks I stood her up tonight. Should probably make it good, you know?”

Kieren shrugged, not really caring if Rick kissed her or not, or that’s what he told himself. He put out the cigarette Rick had given him, never really being much of a fan of the,, doing it with Rick because he figured that he should do what his friend enjoyed. Little did he know, Rick had a rather similar idea towards it. Rick put his out as well, tossing the butt out of the window before leaning his head back.

He chuckled, “Feel like I should practice or something. Vicky’s kissed loads of guys, I bet, but I’m the loser who hasn’t kissed anyone.” he told Kieren who only rolled his eyes at him. “Problem is, wouldn’t be that great of a date if I went around kissing others girls, now would I be?” 

Kieren shook his head at his friend. “Isn’t that hard, Rick, just close your eyes and kiss her.” he insisted. “I’m sure you won’t be total shit at it.”

“Oi!” Rick huffed, punching Kieren in the arm. “You’re a bastard, Ren, you know that?” he asked. Kieren only smiled and nodded. “If you’re such an expert at it, why don’t you show me?”

Kieren’s heart skipped a beat as he heard Rick say that. He must not have heard him right. Was that really what he had suggested? “What do you mean?” he tried to sound confident even as he asked the question.

Rick shrugged, suddenly feeling a blush creep up his skin. He was an idiot. He never should have brought it up. Still, Kieren was looking at him intently, fully expecting an explanation. Rick wasn’t very good at not giving Kieren what he wanted. “Well I mean, we’re mates, wouldn’t mean anything. Probably stupid, not like either of us is a girl...” Rick rolled his eyes for emphasis.

“No, it’s fine.” Kieren said, perhaps a little too quickly. He cleared his throat, trying to regain his cool. “I mean, like you said, we’re mates, mates are supposed to help each other out. If you want me to help you, sure. I don’t mind.”

“Yeah?” Rick confirmed, licking his lips hopefully. Kieren nodded. They sat and stared at each other for a bit, frozen by what they were about to do. Voices in Rick’s head were screaming anything from ‘just do it already’ to ‘you’ll be in the bad books’.

Kieren cleared his throat uneasily. “Well, are you...” he started.

“Yeah, yeah. Sure.” Rick said before moving a little closer to Kieren in the front seat of his dad’s truck. Bill would kill him if he knew what was about to happen.

He leaned in, slow at first, hesitation and nerves extremely evident as his face hovered centimeters away from Kieren’s. His eyes still open a bit to stay true to his target, he quickly pecked the blonde’s lips before moving away from him, his heart pounding with nerves after the slight touch.

“That good?” Rick asked after a period of awkward silence. “I mean, think she’d like it?”

Kieren bit his lip. “Well, try just... Don’t pucker your lips so much I guess. You aren’t kissing your mum. And it should be longer than that.” he tried to help. “I don’t... I mean, I think that’s what she’d like.”

Rick nodded. He leaned in again, this time with a little less hesitation. His lips moved slowly against Kieren’s for a few seconds before he slowly pulled away. Both boys almost felt their hearts beat straight out of their chests after that. Neither opened their eyes, trying to memorize the way the other felt against their lips.

“Should put your hands somewhere on her.” Kieren suggested.

Rick put one hand on Kieren’s neck to pull him in, the other on his hip as he again leaned in. This time, it was a longer gap between initiation and termination of the kiss. Kieren pointed out that there would be other places that would work to put his hands, leading to another two kisses before they realized they had to head home.

“I’ll drive you.” Rick told his friend who had started to crawl out of the truck after they realized the time.

Kieren nodded, and smiled. “You know, you could practice like what happened today, dropping me off, if you need to.” he pointed out. Rick grinned the rest of the short drive to Kieren’s.

After a somewhat prolonged goodbye ‘it was a nice date’ type of kiss, Kieren opened his door. “I’ll see you around.” he smiled to his friend.

“Yeah. See you.” Rick waved. Kieren was about to shut the door when Rick stopped him. “Wait... Thanks, Ren.” he sincerely said.

“No problem.” Kieren smiled, leaning in once more, this time pecking Rick’s cheek before walking inside.

Rick didn’t stop grinning the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer than usual chapter this time. I had to get a lot in this, but didn't feel like it was enough to warrant two chapters. Yay finally having proper kisses! Thank you to everyone who has stuck through this and are still reading this, you guys are awesome and I love you a lot. More to come as soon as possible! I updated tonight because I don't think I'll be able to write this weekend, I have a huge test in Psych this Monday and I have to study that and yeah. I'll try to get around to an update as soon as I can though!  
> Oh and also, brief Amy reference! Yay! She won't play a big role in this, literally only going to be mentioned in passing unless I change the planning up a bit for the rest of the chapter, but she'll come back around for the potential sequel I'd be writing. I have to ask, would you guys be interested in one of those even? I'm not sure and would love some feedback. Thanks, you guys are awesome :)


	8. Confessions

“What were you doing out so late?” Kieren heard as soon as he opened the door. He jumped, shutting the door swiftly but quietly before turning to face his sister. He breathed heavily, trying to calm his racing heart silently. “Well? Tell me or I’ll get mum and dad and tell them.”

“Jem, it’s none of your business.” Kieren tried to brush her off. Just as any stubborn 13 year old would, however, she trailed him into the kitchen as he went to get a glass of water. “Seriously, just go to bed, Jem.”

“Yeah?” Jem asked cockily. “Mum! Da-” she started to call out.

Kieren covered her mouth, pushing her down a bit. “Shut up Jem!” he hissed as she struggled against his grip. Kieren was struggling to hold her though, not exactly known for being the strongest person in the world. Just as she was breaking free, he exclaimed, “Fine! I’ll tell you! Just... Let’s go upstairs so we don’t wake up mum and dad.” he suggested.

She nodded, but still stood there looking at him. He looked at her curiously. “I’m not going up before you do, or you’ll just wait ‘til I fall asleep and never tell me.” she accused. Kieren swore under his breath, his plan found out.

“Fine, come on then.” he rolled his eyes, starting towards the upstairs where their bedrooms were. “I’m going to change quick, then I’ll let you in. Promise.”

“Fine. Three minutes or I get mum.” she threatened. Kieren sighed, nodding.

Kieren took his time changing into pyjama pants and a sleep shirt, still conscious of his sister’s limit. He figured that he could face Jem, make up some lie, but he knew that he couldn’t lie to his parents about it. He decided on telling her something about a party he went to when he opened the door. She walked in, taking a spot on the foot of his bed, facing him expectantly. He couldn’t lie.

“I was with Rick.” Kieren blurted.

Jem’s jaw dropped. “Dick! You told me that you two weren’t mates anymore! You just didn’t like that he and I got along, didn’t you?” she accused.

Kieren shook his head, trying to quiet her. “No, Jem, his dad banned me from their house.” He sighed when his sister looked at him confused. “Bill thought I... Thought I liked Rick so he told me I couldn’t come back. Rick and I meet some nights to see each other though, he’s still my best mate.”

“Thought you liked him? ‘Course you like him, he’s your mate.” Jem stated, not recognizing what Kieren meant.

“Not like how you like your mates like Lisa, Jem. Like you like Henry Lonsdale, he meant.” Kieren explained, almost nervously.

Jem looked offended. “I do not!” she reflexively defended, before remembering that Kieren was the one she asked for advice from. “Shut up...” she blushed when she saw her older brother grinning at her. “Why would he think that? It’s not like you do, you used to like that Amy girl.”

Kieren bit his lip. “I didn’t really, at the time.” he said, hanging his head. He couldn’t look up, afraid that Jem would understand what he had just implied. He was even more afraid of how she would react.

“Kier?” she asked quietly. He shook his head slightly, head completely bowed forward to hide his face. “Kier, do you like Rick?” A shaking breath escaped Kieren’s nose as he nodded slightly. She scooted closer to him, taking her brother’s hand with a smile until he looked up. When he finally did, she squeezed his hand, flashing her best award winning smile. “That’s alright, you’re still my big brother, Kier. So what if you like Rick?” she asked.

Kieren smiled, throwing his arms around her. He felt so relieved to feel the acceptance he didn’t know until then that he needed. Jem, always wise beyond her years, somehow could always find the words to make him better, as he had made her a few too many times. “Thank you.” he said softly into her hair.

“No problem, bro.” she smiled when she pulled away from the hug. “Does he like you?” she asked, excitedly. If Kieren and Rick got together, then she’d for sure see her second brother again.

Kieren shook his head. “He has a girlfriend, I guess. But...” Kieren hesitated a moment, unsure if he should share. The look of expectation on Jem’s face was enough to make his confession come out. “We kissed tonight. A few times, actually.” he smiled, remembering it.

“You what?!” Jem asked excitedly. Both siblings sat and gossiped the rest of the night until Jem fell asleep. Kieren simply covered her up before laying next to her, where Steve found them the next morning.

\---

“Rick, love, breakfast time!” Janet Macy called from the kitchen. She smiled at her sleepy eyed son, hair in a disarray from sleep still as he trudged down the stairs. She didn’t know how her handsome man had become just that: a man. She set out a large breakfast plate in front of him, knowing that someone who grew as much as he seemed to needed plenty of food. “Dad’s off getting some shopping done.” she informed him. In other words, he was getting fags and an excess of alcohol.

Rick started in on his plate, the cooking excellent as always. “Thanks, mum. It’s delicious.” he told her with a half full mouth.

Janet smiled, sitting next to him with a cup of coffee. “Got home late from your date last night, did you? I was asleep before I heard you come in.” Rick shrugged. He knew his mum didn’t mind, that if either of his parents would be upset, it would be his dad. “How did it go? Well, I assume?” she asked.

Rick hesitated for a moment. His dad wasn’t around, this might be his only chance. “Well, I stayed out a bit after I dropped her off at home.” he admitted. “Met up with a mate and hung out a bit in the truck before I took him home.” he told her.

“And how is he?” his mum asked. Neither had to say Kieren’s name to know that he’s the one they were both speaking of. “His mum was worried about him last time I saw her at the lady’s church meeting.”

“He’s well, far as I can tell.” Rick told her.

“That’s good then. Shame you can’t see him more often.”

Rick felt himself relax at the way she was so open about talking about Ren. He glanced at the newspaper in front of his father’s spot at the table, seeing yet another headline debating about the gay marriage bills being passed and debated around the world. He reached for the paper, feigning a non-invested interest in it.

“What do you think about this talk about these weddings?” Rick asked his mum as casually as possible.

“Well, I-” she started before getting cut off.

“Right disgusting, they are.” Bill spat, walking into the kitchen. “It’s not natural, two blokes getting on like that. Disillusioned, they are. Off to the bad books for them, right son?” Bill asked.

“Aye.” Rick agreed, his appetite suddenly forgotten as he stood to leave the table. Today was Saturday, when he usually met Kieren at the den during the afternoon. He decided to be a little early as he took off for the den.

He was a bit surprised that when he got there, Kieren was already there as well. The blonde smiled at him. “You’re early.”

Rick couldn’t help but laugh before he sat next to him. “You’re earlier, Ren.” he pointed out. Kieren only shrugged, closing his sketch book. “Wait, can I take a look at that?” Rick asked, always loving to see Kieren’s drawings. He wished he could see the paintings that Kieren described to him. Even without seeing them though, even through Kieren’s humbled descriptions, Rick knew they were great. His Ren wasn’t capable of making anything that wasn’t incredible.

“Maybe later.” Kieren told him, tucking the book under one of his legs. “I wanted to talk to you about something, Rick.” he said quietly.

“Yeah? What about?” Rick asked, trying to be as gentle as possible with the question.

“Rick... I... I don’t just like girls.” he confessed, voice just above a whisper. Rick looked at him in near shock, not sure how to respond. He felt relieved, but couldn’t form words before Kieren spoke again. “Sometimes, I like boys, sometimes I like girls, I don’t know, Rick, I’m sorry, you probably hate me.”

“Hate you? Ren, how could I hate you?” Rick asked, genuinely. He didn’t think it would be possible for anyone to hate Kieren Walker. It wasn’t something that was even in his vocabulary of ways someone could feel about Ren. “So what, you like boys and girls? I don’t mind.”

Kieren nodded, sighing softly in relief. “Thank you, Rick.”

Rick tried so hard to convince himself to tell Kieren how he felt. He knew that what had happened the previous night only confirmed what he had been trying to deny for years. He had genuine feelings for his best mate. He wanted it to be okay for him to be with him, wanted to be able to tell Ren he didn’t even like girls, he only liked him. Still, that truth was sometimes hard to come by.

“I broke up with Vicky this morning, don’t think I ever really liked her anyways. That’s why I was early.” he lied, planting a small piece of the truth in the lie. “Guess I probably just need practice for the next one then.” he tried to say lightheartedly. He didn’t say that he wanted the next one to be a girl, but then again, he couldn’t say out loud that he wanted the next one to be Kieren.

Either way, almost as soon as he finished saying that, Kieren’s lips were on his. This time, there was something more behind it, clearly longing on both ends. Kieren rested both his hands on Rick’s shoulders as he moved to be in front of him, knees on either side of Rick’s outstretched legs. Rick’s hands worked their way through Kieren’s hair, earning a small pleased noise in the back of his throat. He eventually pulled him closer, hands on Kieren’s narrow hips.

Eventually, Kieren pulled away, both needing more than the little gasps of air they had been getting. Both practically panted as they stared into the other’s eyes.

“I like you, Rick.” Kieren breathed.

Rick only kissed him again in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay more kissing! I got suddenly inspired and added another two chapters to my plan, so I think now I should have 5 left at this point, roughly. I don't know when I'll have time to write them, so even though I've spoiled you guys lately (3 chapters in one week is probably a record for me) I'm not making any promises about the frequency. I hope you guys are still enjoying it though, and thanks as usual for the read! Love you guys, and thanks for all the positive comments! You guys are what keeps me wanting to write more :)


	9. Caught

Rick and Kieren stayed in the cave for most of the rest of the afternoon. Though Rick couldn’t bring himself to admit his feelings, they both knew it was mutual. Kieren had hardly moved since they had kissed for the first time that afternoon, only getting off of Rick slightly, still leaned up against him fondly. Rick wasn’t exactly stopping him from being there.

They sat, Kieren’s head on Rick’s shoulder, Rick’s head on Kieren’s head, and flipped through Kieren’s sketchbook. This time, Kieren completely relinquished the sketches to Rick, something he had never done. There was always some reason to hide it, after all, they say that art is a piece of the artist’s soul. He didn’t feel like he had to hide his soul from Rick anymore.

“That me?” Rick asked, showing Kieren a sketch of toy boys kissing under a tree. Clearly, the one whose face was turned closest towards the viewer’s perspective was Kieren, and the other, holding his face gently in his hands, was taller and slightly larger. Kieren nodded silently. Rick turned his head, smiling down on him before softly kissing his forehead. “Maybe we should try that some time.”

Kieren returned a soft smile, blush rising in his cheeks. Rick left out a quiet laugh rubbing the other’s arm slightly. Kieren buried his face in Rick’s neck, not knowing how to respond to the affection. Rick kissed Kieren’s hair, pulling him closer so he was almost on his lap. He carefully moved the sketch pad to not be in a position to possibly get ruined. He hooked Kieren’s chin under his fingers and pulled him up for a quick kiss.

Kieren grinned as he pulled away slowly, running a hand through Rick’s short hair. Suddenly, he left out a slight laugh as the soft grin turned into a smirk, “Good thing we got some practice, yeah?” he asked.

“Good thing.” Rick agreed with a laugh.

It took a while for Rick to bring himself to actually pull away from Kieren, knowing that he had to get back home for lunch before his parents started looking for him. By that time however, Kieren had managed to push Rick down onto his back and had been kissing his way down his neck as they gasped for air. Both were sufficiently fussed up, hair out of place and lips swollen and red. Rick had a few spots on his neck that were clearly going to have marks, but he didn’t care. He could tell his dad it was from Vicky.

“Shit!” Rick exclaimed, suddenly realizing he did, in fact, have a girlfriend.

“What?” Kieren asked, confused and a bit worried. He was certain he had done something to mess up, something that was his fault entirely and would make Rick hate him. Didn’t he feel the same? He never asked, what if he didn’t and he had gone to far.

Rick saw the panicked expression on Kieren’s face, feeling bad almost immediately. “No, sorry, I just remembered my mum wants me back for lunch a bit early today, and...” he pointed to his hair and disheveled clothes, “Might look a little suspicious.” he grinned.

Kieren blushed, noting a certain obvious sign that Rick had been up to something as his eyes traveled down to see how messed up his clothes were. “Sorry...” he mumbled, biting his lip.

“Nothing to apologize for.” Rick returned, reaching over to fix as much of Kieren’s hair as he could. “No way those spikes are getting back in unless you’ve got some gel, mate.” he pointed out after running his fingers through it, trying to reshape it to the new hairstyle Kieren had been trying along with his punk look.

Kieren ran his hands quickly though his hair, putting it back to how it would normally rest on his head. “Didn’t know you liked playing with hair so much. I’ll wear it down from now on.” Kieren half teased. “Come here.” he insisted, reaching up to try to fix Rick’s appearance a bit. “Can get you some of Jem’s cover up, if you want... Sorry ‘bout that.” he lightly ran his fingers against a red spot on Rick’s neck.

Rick nodded, “That’d be great. Tonight I’ve got stuff going on, but tomorrow come here after your art class? I’d take it before then though, if you could.” He smiled when Kieren was done tugging on his shirts to straighten them out. “Thanks, Ren.”

“Only so much I can do.” Kieren bit back a grin, knowing Rick would know what he meant.

“Fuck off, Ren.” Rick laughed, shaking his head. “Not like you don’t.” he countered.

“Yeah, but I don’t have to go home right away, now do I?” Kieren teased, but his face soon fell, realizing that Rick could face problems at home if it was obvious he was out messing around. “Sorry.” he apologized.

Rick shrugged, “I’ll be good, don’t worry about it.” he smiled at Kieren, putting one hand on his face. Kieren immediately leaned into the touch, letting Rick tilt his head slightly up before softly kissing him one more time. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Rick messed with his collar while walking home, glad to be able to manipulate his jacket a bit to hide the small couple of marks left behind on his neck. He quickly slipped into his house, sitting down just as his mum came walking into the dining area with what she had prepared.

“Oh, Rick love, didn’t see you come in.” she smiled at her son before walking towards the television room to retrieve Bill for the meal.

After taking his seat and leading the family in prayer as always, Bill turned towards his son. “Where were you off to so long? Always disappearing, can’t even stay back around home to help your mother with anything anymore?” Bill questioned.

Rick bit back his response of asking when the last time his father had helped his mother, instead apologizing. “Sorry, I lost track of time, was just out for a walk, looking around in the woods, trying to think a bit.”

“Thinking about what I suggested, were you?” Bill questioned, suddenly less on the aggressive.

“Aye, I was.” Rick lied. His father looked at him expectantly, while his mum eyed him with fear in her eyes. “I’m not sure yet, but I’m considering it. I’m not exactly much good at school, don’t think I’ll be off to uni.”

Bill clapped his son on the shoulder, “Army would do you good, son. You’d do great in it, you’re a Macy after all.” Rick only smiled and nodded as his father went in depth on all the members of their family who had served in the military, trying hard not to think about how many of them would eventually die serving the country his father wanted him to protect as well.

\---

“Hi, Mrs. Barnes, Vicky there?” Rick questioned, standing at the front door to her house. For the second night in a row, his father had left him with the truck, probably because of their earlier conversation. Within a few moments, Vicky appeared at the entrance, smiling at him as she finished sliding a shoe on. “You look great.” he complimented. He should like her, he could recognize there was a beautiful woman standing in front of him, but all he wanted was for her to be Ren.

They had planned on going to the legion for a bit to get a bite and just have somewhere laid back to sit together. Roarton wasn’t exactly known as the best place to try to take someone on a date in, something Rick realized as he tried to plan something to do nearby.

After sitting there for an hour, Rick suggested a walk since it was a beautiful summer evening. Vicky had agreed immediately, telling him it was such a romantic idea and batting her eyes in a way that Rick knew was supposed to be flirtatious. All he could think of though was how her blue eyes were nice, but they could never top Kieren’s chocolate brown eyes. He felt odd when she took his hand, but let her, knowing that’s what he should have done in the first place. She gently lead him towards a bench near the edge of the woods.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” she asked, breaking the silence that had been hovering over them much of the night. Rick only nodded. “I never took you as a shy one, Rick Macy.” she told him, receiving only a shrug. She sighed, letting silence take over again, unsure what had changed from the previous night, which she thought had been fine. At a loss for what else to do, she feigned a shiver, purposefully knocking into Rick slightly to ensure that he noticed.

“Cold?” he asked dumbly. She nodded. “Here.” he said, sliding off the jacket he wore, draping it around her shoulders.

While his arms were still around her, securing the blanket in place, she suddenly kissed him. Rick froze, unsure what to do. He felt some guilt as he thought of Kieren, but deep down in his mind he was still convinced that his dad was right, two mates like him and Kieren shouldn’t be like that. He tried to enjoy kissing her, he really did, but his heart wasn’t in it.

She could tell, it was evident, as she dumped his jacket where she sat, making the excuse that she wasn’t feeling well and was going to walk home. He offered to drive her, but she politely refused, saying it wasn’t far to her house. He stopped her before she walked off, kissing her lightly one more time, desperate to try to feel something for a girl, but nothing was there.

He turned away, sighing, just in time to see Kieren a block or so away, a look of pure betrayal on his face. “Ren!” he yelled, running off towards where he saw the other boy. Always having been more athletic than his artistic friend, Rick caught up to him relatively quickly, grabbing his wrists. Hot tears were pooled in Kieren’s eyes. “Ren, we need to talk, ok? Just come with me to the den and we’ll talk, yeah?” he asked.

“How could you?” Kieren asked, not wanting to wait to get there for a response. His voice was about to crack with the emotions streaming through him. “You said, Rick, you told me... What did I do wrong?” Kieren questioned.

Rick bit his lip, looking around at his surroundings. They were in a quiet part of town, just a couple of houses with lights all out for the night, so he allowed himself to move a little closer to Kieren. He reached up, wiping away the tears. “You didn’t do anything, Ren. I shouldn’t’ve, it was wrong, it won’t happen again, alright? Promise.” Rick looked at him sincerely. “Can we go to the den now? I’ll explain more there.”

Kieren nodded, allowing Rick to lead the way towards their meeting place. Once they got there, before Rick could open his mouth, Kieren’s lips were against his. “What was better?” Kieren asked after pulling away.

“You, Ren, with her... With her I felt nothing.” Rick looked up, shaking his head slightly. “I just, well, you know my dad, Ren, you know what he says. Two mates shouldn’t get on like this...” Rick shook his head. “I just thought if I kissed her, maybe I could be something he could be proud of.”

“You deserve better than him, Rick.” Kieren said softly. “You don’t agree with him, do you?” he questioned softly.

Rick shook his head. “I can’t, not around you, Ren. I thought I could pretend but, all I could think of kissing her was you.” he admitted. “I’m so sorry, Ren.”

Kieren pulled his knees towards himself where he sat. “It’s alright.” he said quietly.

Rick didn’t quite believe him though, as he pulled him in and gently kissed his temple. “I’ll fix this, I swear I will.” he whispered into his hair.

\---

After walking Kieren home, Rick had to return to the legion to get his father’s truck to drive it home and retrieve his jacket from the bench where it had stayed. He prayed silently that the sound of the truck pulling in wouldn’t wake up his parents so he could easily sneak in, considering how late it was.

He tiptoed into the house, shutting the door silently behind him. He hung the keys on the hook near the door, silencing their banging against each other almost the second it started. Just as he was about to sneak off to his room in the clear, his father’s voice called out to him.

“What’re you doing out so late?” he questioned sternly. Rick froze in fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh I left a cliff hanger, my bad... I'm going to try to update again ASAP because I'm really on a roll right now with this and the end is in sight! I even already have a sequel planned for it, at least the first like 5 or 6 chapters. I'm really in too deep with this fic. Thanks as always for the loyal reading and kind words! Hope that I have a snow day again tomorrow so I can hopefully update then as well!


	10. The Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, this chapter has mentions of abuse and homophobic slurs. It really isn't much but just in case you are triggered easily by these sort of things, please be aware.

Rick’s heart pounded at the question. His dad had to have known. It was a matter of time. His dad knew he was out with Kieren and now he was going to get it like he had never gotten it before. He was entirely frozen, unable to form words to even try to defend himself. He stood quaking in horror at what his father would do.

Bill Macy had always had a firm hand with his son, just enough to make sure his only legacy would remain in the good books, he would defend himself, but he had never really scared Rick. Sure, he would occasionally have marks that needed some of Jem Walker’s foundation to hide, but it wasn’t that common. Rick just figured that was part of life. It was all he had known.

He thought of what would happen in Kieren’s parents found out. He craved the welcome that he knew Kieren would experience, his parents always so warm; even if Steve was sometimes a little distant, he was nothing compared to Bill. He was sure they would only be upset that he hadn’t told them, and that he’d been sneaking out late at night without a word. 

Rick on the other hand, genuinely feared for his life. It seemed to be in the cards for the boy who had spent countless days sitting and listening to his father rant about who was going to hell, who deserved to be punished, who was in the bad books. Rick couldn’t fathom how he would react to his son being in those bad books.

“Well then?” Bill demanded.

“I-uh...” Rick tried to start, his throat not wanting to cooperate with his breathing needs, much less talking. “I can explain, dad, I swear...”

Suddenly, a smile cracked Bill’s face. Rick cringed at the sight, fearful that he had dug himself deeper into a hole, and that that was Bill’s smile of satisfaction having caught his son with no defense.

“Take my truck off and go snog her someplace off in the dark, did you, you horny git?” Bill laughed, clapping his son on the back. “I knew you’d like her, just had to give someone a chance, yeah?”

Rick stared wide-eyed at his father, a sudden rush of relief flowing through him. Though he still didn’t feel as if he could speak, he was able to nod with feigned shame.

Bill fondly put his arm around his son, leading him towards the living room. Despite it being just past two in the morning, it was apparently time for a father-son chat. “Now, I work with her dad, so you can’t be off doing anything stupid with her, yeah? Gotta be careful or else I’ll never hear the end of it about how my son mistreated his daughter.” Bill warned. He glanced towards the hall that led to the room where Janet still slept. “Don’t tell your mum I’m giving you these, but...” he produced a box that Rick recognized immediately. He was mortified as he accepted the small package of condoms from his father, a bright red flush overtaking his face. “Just in case.” Bill winked, standing. 

He patted his son on the back one more time before going back to his bedroom. Rick sat on the couch for a bit, still in shock from what had just happened. It took him a few minutes to gather himself enough to get to his room for the night, his heart still hammering at what could have happened.

 

\---

In the morning, Rick got up and left for Vicky’s. She deserved some kind of closure, some sort of explanation. He was walking towards her house when he found her sitting in a patch of grass between their houses. He quietly padded towards her.

He stood for a moment in her light to alert her to his presence, ensuring that she knew he was there before he spoke. “You mind?” he asked, motioning to the grass next to her.

“Whatever.” she replied, but removed the earphone nearest to Rick to be able to hear him. Rick sat down, suddenly unsure about what to say. He sat silently until finally Vicky broke the silence. “What did you want? Thought it was pretty clear last night you weren’t interested.” she huffed.

Rick sighed, looking down. “Vicky, I’m sorry... I’m just... I’m really not.” he said quietly.

“Then why the hell did you ask me out in the first place?” she demanded. “Decide it’d be funny to mess with me? Think I’d be an easy lay?”

Rick shook his head. “No, not at all, alright? Promise.” He sighed, “I asked you because my dad was... He told me I needed a girlfriend and that if I didn’t, people would think...” Rick’s voice trailed off. “I’m sorry, Vicky, I really am.”

She nodded. “But I don’t understand, Rick. Why would he make you ask a girl out?”

“He’s afraid that one of my mates is turning me... You know... I guess he wanted proof that I’m not or something, I don’t know.” he told her solemnly.

“Rick?” she questioned softly. “Rick, are you... You know?”

He bit down on his lip, covering his sudden frowning grimace with a fist in front of his mouth. He tried to hide how close the question brought him to a breakdown. He didn’t know what possessed him to, but he nodded once. “I’m sorry.” he breathed, nearly inaudibly.

“Rick?” Vicky said quietly. She waited until the suddenly emotional Macy boy looked up and met her eyes. “Don’t ever apologize for who you are, ok?”

“But my dad-”

“Fuck what your dad says.” Vicky shrugged. Rick only bit his lip. “Do you have someone in mind, then? You mentioned one of our mates.” she asked, trying to change the subject.

“I do, sort of.” Rick swallowed, “We meet a bunch, my dad won’t let him by our house anymore and I’m not supposed to go to his. He’s my best mate, always has been, always will be.”

Vicky looked around to see who was around before silently mouthing “Kieren?”. Rick nodded, confirming. She smiled, “You would be good for each other, like those stories where childhood friends fall in love but in real life.” she told him. “Have you told him how you feel?”

Rick looked down, guiltily. “Not exactly in words.” He glanced up to see Vicky looking at him quizzically. “We’ve kissed, a couple of times, but I guess I’ve never really told him...”

“Go on then!” she encouraged. Rick smiled at her as she gave him a little push. “I’ll see you around, Rick.”

Rick nodded before padding off towards Kieren’s house. He glanced around a bit to make sure his father wasn’t around for some reason before walking up the drive and knocking on the door. Steve Walker opened the door with a smile.

“Rick! Haven’t seen you in a while, here for Kier I suppose.” he smiled before turning towards the rest of the house. “Kieren! Rick’s here!” he called.

“He’s not in.” Jem spat, glaring daggers at Rick when she walked down.

“Jem...” Rick tried to defend himself as she sat glowering at him. She rolled her eyes before stomping up the stairs back to where her and Kieren’s bedrooms were. “Just want to tell him that I stopped by, then, please?” he asked Steve who still looked confused about what had happened.

“Sure thing, Rick. Have a nice day now.” Steve politely responded.

Rick walked back to his house, trying to think of a way to talk to Kieren who he knew was in his house, no matter what Jem said. Kieren must have told her, but Rick didn’t care at that point. He had told Vicky, it was only fair that Kieren told someone. He was more concerned that Kieren was obviously distraught about the previous night despite saying that it was fine.

When he reached the house, he was surprised to see that his dad was home already. He thought he could have asked his mum something about how to make it better, even if he couldn’t exactly tell her everything, but with him in the house it was out of the question. Instead he went up to his room, rummaging under his bed to where he had an envelope stashed away. He opened it, considering one of the objects inside before quickly pocketing it as his father let himself into the room.

“Going off to see Vicky again, are you?” Bill asked when Rick quickly reached for his wallet, trying to nonchalantly put it in his pocket. “Seeing an awful lot of each other lately, aren’t you?” Bill smiled.

Rick cleared his throat. “I saw her this morning, actually. I don’t think... We aren’t gonna be seeing each other anymore, I don’t think.” he told his father.

“She break up with you? Why?” Bill questioned.

“She didn’t, dad, I did.” Rick shrugged, “Just didn’t really have feelings for her, I suppose.”

“The hell did you do that for?” Bill demanded. “Your first girlfriend, can’t even stick with her for a week before you dump her? What are you, a bloody faggot or something?” he questioned.

“And what if I was?” Rick asked, instantly regretting it. He tasted blood in his mouth as soon as he staggered back from him father’s blow. He held the right side of his jaw, refusing to show Bill any more satisfaction in what he had done.

“No son of mine is, you hear? Learn some damn respect!” he shouted in Rick’s face. Rick didn’t drop his gaze, a steely look in his eyes as he stared his father down. Bill shook his head in disgust before storming out of the room. “Janet! I’ll be at the legion!” Rick heard him call.

Once he heard the door slam as his father exited, he walked down the stairs into the kitchen. His mother looked at him, a scared look in her eyes. He tried to give her a slight smile as he walked past to grab ice. Once he had it on his jaw, Janet was stroking his face, on the verge of tears as she looked at her son.

Janet pulled him down slightly, kissing her son’s forehead. “You shouldn’t say things like that to him, you know what will happen.” she breathed a warning.

“I know.” Rick said quietly. He sat for a while using the ice before discarding it. “I need to go do something, I might not be home for dinner.” Janet only nodded, silently watching her son leave the house.

\---

Rick didn’t know exactly what he was looking for when he walked into Save ‘N’ Shop, but he was wandering the aisles looking for something, anything, that he could give Kieren to earn his trust again. All he wanted was Kieren’s forgiveness, this time for real.

His eyes landed on a card with Kieren’s favorite artist, van Gogh, on the front. He smiled before cringing at the pain it brought to where his father had struck him, but grabbed the card nonetheless. He purchased it and some ice before going out to get it to Kieren.

Rick Macy was not known or being good with words, but he did write from the heart in his own scrawl to try to fix what had happened. He reached into his pocket, remembering the envelope he had shoved in there, carefully selecting a picture of him and Kieren at the den from a year or two ago, adding it to the contents of the card’s envelope.

He found himself again at the Walker’s house. He saw Kieren move in his bedroom window, clearly having had seen Rick approaching. When he knocked however, it was Jem who answered.

“What do you want?” she asked gruffly.

“Jem, I know he’s here, can you just... Can you give this to him? Please?” Rick asked. He readjusted the bag of ice he held to his face while she hesitated.

Her face softened a bit as she noticed the ice. She took the envelope, telling him, “I’ll give it to him.”

“Thanks.” Rick told her before slowly walking away, unsure what else he was going to do.

When Kieren opened the envelope delivered by his sister, he felt something in his stomach tie up. He must have read the words a hundred times before clutching the card to his chest, smiling at the picture Rick had attached.

__Ren,  
Know this guy’s your fave. You’re gonna go far.  
And I’ll be right there next to you, telling dumb jokes and embarrassing you.  
This shite with my dad, I’ll sort it.  
Swear I will.  
-Rick x __


	11. Sharpen Your Knife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to update the rating a bit because it's a little... Let's say further than before in this one... It's a bit more suggestive I guess like I don't know, they get a little further in their relationship, we'll put it that way (I love how I get more embarrassed about it up here than I did writing it oops)  
> Also the title is a reference to Take Me To Church if you were wondering.

Rick was walking with his hands shoved in his pockets down towards the den, not knowing anywhere else worth going when he heard footsteps running up behind him. He turned to find Kieren approaching. 

He stopped until the blonde reached him. They looked at each other wordlessly before they fell into stride, continuing their way to the den. Once they were behind the veil of trees, Kieren hooked his arms around Rick’s left arm, leaning his head against his shoulder. Rick rested his cheek on Kieren’s soft hair the rest of their walk.

“What happened?” Kieren asked softly once they got to the den. His fingers delicately traced the discolored portion of Rick’s cheek. His eyes were soft as he willed the pain away, hoping to somehow draw it out with his gentle caress.

Rick shook his head softly. “It’s not important.” he insisted, reaching up to brush some of Kieren’s hair out of his eyes.

They kept their eyes locked for a moment, Kieren wanting to challenge Rick’s claim, but instead, softly breathing, “Okay.” before withdrawing his hand from Rick’s cheek. A certain hush fell over them as they just stood, looking each other in the eye.

“I’m sorry, Ren.” Rick eventually said, breaking the silence. “I broke up with her this morning, this time for real, I swear. And I promise I’m going to-”

Rick’s words were lost as Kieren kissed him softly. When he slowly pulled away, Rick’s mouth hung partly open, his breath stolen from the brief, gentle kiss. He couldn’t think of what he was saying before, couldn’t think at all, really. Kieren’s mouth twitched into a smile as his brown eyes held Rick’s. He kissed his neck, up his throat, trailing gently around Rick’s jaw with his mouth before again capturing his lips. He smiled into the kiss, feeling the vibrations from a soft moan Rick let out. Rick’s fingers tangled in his hair, holding him there before they mutually pulled away for air.

They sat smiling at each other for a minute, Rick still toying with Kieren’s hair. Kieren took a step closer, pressing himself entirely against Rick. He breathed in Rick’s familiar scent as he listened to his heart beat, face buried in the other’s chest.

Kieren sighed contently. “Thank you.”

Rick cupped Kieren’s cheek before pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “I should be thanking you.” he told him. “Want to sit?” he asked, motioning towards the ground.

Kieren nodded, sitting on the ground next to Rick. Once they were both seated, Rick pulled him closer, situating him between his legs with his back pressed against his chest. Kieren relaxed against him, breathing slowly as Rick nuzzled into the back of his neck, again apologizing.

“I’m sorry, Ren, I really am.”

Kieren turned his neck with the intention of kissing Rick again when he saw tears filling his friend’s eyes. He turned his entire body, sitting opposite of him to face him, curling his knees to his chest, waiting for Rick to get whatever he needed off his chest.

“My dad made me ask her out, Ren, but I didn’t want to. Ren...” Rick’s jaw quivered, “What I was supposed to have with her, I want with you. I don’t... I don’t like girls at all, Ren, just as friends, and I know I’m supposed to, I’m not supposed to be this way but I am.” Rick was nearly shaking as he spoke.

Kieren moved to sit next to him, making light contact with his arm in a gesture of solidarity. “Why not, Rick?” he questioned.

“My dad says it’s not right for two mates to get on like this.” he said in a shaky voice after wiping the tears away. He looked distressed at Kieren before quietly asking, “But if it’s wrong, why do I only feel right around you?”

Kieren moved away slightly, wanting to give Rick some space if he was struggling with it. Rick clasped his hands above his head, hanging it as he cried into his knees. Kieren’s heart broke seeing his best friend like that. He tried to bring comfort to him with a hand slowly rubbing his back soothingly.

Rick looked up at him with red, puffy eyes after the worst of the sobs were through. “Why am I broken, Ren?” he asked in a raspy voice.

Kieren frowned, “Rick, if you’re broken, then so am I.” he declared, pulling Rick into a hug. “You don’t think I’m broken, do you, Rick?”

Rick sniffled. “‘Course, not, Ren.”

“Then why would you be?” Kieren asked. He watched it sink in on Rick’s face as he connected with Kieren’s point. “Rick, do you want to talk about it?” Rick looked conflicted for a moment, but slowly nodded. “How long have you known that you’re not into girls?”

Rick bit his lip. “We were... Twelve? Thirteen?” he looked to Kieren for some sort of approval. He nodded, understanding. “What... What about you?”

Kieren shrugged, “I’m not exactly into strictly guys, but I have known for a while, you know? I think we were fifteen when I...” his voice trailed off as his cheeks turned red.

Rick cocked his head, “When you what, Ren?” Kieren shook his head. “When you realized that you’re... The way you are?”

“When I knew that I... That I liked you.” he admitted.

Rick looked at him, lost. “You like me?” he asked, a surprised look on his face.

Kieren laughed, “Of course I like you, Rick.” A smile broke out across Rick’s face. “You like me, don’t you?” he asked, suddenly feeling a bit self conscious.

Rick nodded. “I’m mad about you, Ren.” He pulled Kieren close to his side, smiling as Kieren’s arms wrapped around his waist. He held Kieren closing his eyes as they both ignored the world outside of their little den even if just for a moment. In that small span of time, Rick almost forgot all about his father who would never accept him, the rest of the world who would look at him strange, even wish he and his Ren dead. In that moment, all that mattered was they had each other. And that was enough.

Kieren was more content than he had been in a long while, just sitting there with Rick’s arms around him. He forgot how outside of these walls they would be separate entities, not Rick and Ren but Kieren the strange art student and Rick the hypermasculine, popular star athlete. That small reality that he had created was snapped when Rick spoke.

“Do you think this is a sin, Ren?” he inquired.

Kieren shook his head. “No, Rick, I don’t.” he replied. “And even if it was... I’d risk that for you.”

“I would to.” Rick whispered. He kissed the top of Kieren’s head before standing up. He went back to where Kieren had stashed a few tubes of paint. Kieren regarded him curiously as he put a little bit of black on his hand, still holding the tube as he walked to the cave wall. Rick finished what he was doing, stopping to examine it before turning to Kieren, tips of his ears red, looking for approval.

Kieren stood, throwing himself at Rick, nearly knocking him into the wet paint as he kissed him fervently. When their lips came apart, he hooked his chin on the other side of Rick’s shoulder, smiling at the chicken scratch that read “REN + RICK 4EVER”.

Rick opened his mouth, nerves clear on his voice. “Ren, I...” he found himself tripping over his own tongue as he searched for the right words.

“Please don’t ruin this with that, Rick...” Kieren requested quietly into his shoulder, assuming it was going to be some kind of a regret involving Rick’s father.

Rick nodded, instead putting the words into gentle kisses along Kieren’s exposed flesh. _You’re beautiful ___he planted on his shoulder, _You’re incredible ___along his collarbone. _I want you ___placed on his throat, _I need you ___in the hollow behind his ear, and finally, _I love you ___carefully planted on his lips.

_____Kieren threw himself wholeheartedly into the kiss, wanting nothing more than for it to last forever. His moan was muffled by Rick’s mouth as he experimentally slipped his tongue into his mouth to deepen it. There was a hunger fueling the kiss from both ends as Rick slowly walked Kieren back to be pressed against the wall, pressing himself against him as much as possible._ _ _ _ _

_____Kieren gasped, pulling away slightly when Rick’s hand wandered to his thigh. “Rick...” he breathed, rolling his head back._ _ _ _ _

_____Rick took the opportunity to kiss his exposed throat, savoring the hitch in Kieren’s breathing as his hand traveled further north. “Rick, hang on.” Kieren panted, putting a hand on Rick’s chest. Immediately, Rick pulled back. “My parents aren’t home, you could come back to my house, they wouldn’t know you were around so we wouldn’t have to ask them to lie to your dad if he asked.” Kieren suggested._ _ _ _ _

_____Rick kissed the junction between Kieren’s jaw and neck. “I like the way you think, Walker.” he smiled. “I’ve just got to stop by the phone booth and tell my mum I’m staying the night at Tommy’s, that way my dad won’t go looking. After what happened... Usually he lets me be gone a bit more, guilt I suppose.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Kieren kissed the lightly bruised spot that was forming. “You can stay as long as you like, Rick.” he told him, disregarding his previous concerns about his parents telling Rick’s father. Bill Macy didn’t deserve to have Rick as a son. The man didn’t deserve a damn thing, and Kieren would protect Rick from him however he could. “Could move in with us or something, and when I go to art school, come with me. You could go to the uni in town, we’d rent a flat together...”_ _ _ _ _

_____Rick kissed the rest of Kieren’s words away. When he pulled away, he brushed Kieren’s hair back, a sad look on his face. “I’d love to, Ren, I really would. But I couldn’t leave my mum with him, not yet. Not until I properly move out, otherwise I don’t know what he’d do.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Kieren nodded, understanding. “Come on, let’s go.” he suggested grabbing Rick’s willing hand, leading him back to his own house._ _ _ _ _

_____\---_ _ _ _ _

_____“Jem, I’m home!” Kieren called out as they walked in. There wasn’t a response, so Kieren shrugged, leading Rick towards the kitchen. “I’m starving, don’t know about you.” he stated, a small grin on his face when he reached into the cupboard._ _ _ _ _

_____Rick gratefully took one of the granola bars that Kieren offered him, opening it as he heard two sets of footsteps coming down the stairs. Jem, who was leading the way, made a bit of a face. “What’s he doing here, Kier? Thought he was too ashamed to show his face around here.” she accused._ _ _ _ _

_____“Jem!” Kieren scolded her._ _ _ _ _

_____Rick shook his head. “I deserve it, s’all right.” he swallowed. “Jem, I’m sorry about what I did, really am. But hey, promise I’m not going to leave again, yeah? And hey,” he pushed his sleeve up, revealing the bracelet she had made him for his 14th birthday, still tied around his wrist, “Still got this, if that’s worth anything to you.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Don’t pull any shit.” Jem told him, eyes set on his. When Rick nodded, she softened a bit. “Alright. Kier, Lisa and I are going to Save ‘N’ Shop to get dinner, want anything?”_ _ _ _ _

_____After sending the girls off to the store with a few extra notes from Rick’s wallet, Kieren lead him upstairs. He shut the door, and almost immediately pressed himself against Rick, kissing him for all he was worth. He pushed Rick back as their hands wandered around each other needily. Rick let out a surprised gasp as he fell back against the bed. Kieren wasted no time in straddling him, still leaning down to continue the kiss._ _ _ _ _

_____“Fuck, Ren...” Rick moaned as the other rocked his hips against his. He bucked his own hips back up to meet the friction he so desperately needed. “Re-en.” his repeated, his breath hitching as Kieren kissed down his neck._ _ _ _ _

_____Kieren trailed a hand down Rick’s chest and stomach before slipping it between himself and Rick, gently squeezing. He massaged with his hand, earning desperate pleas from Rick. Kieren soon felt a gentle tug on his hair pulling him back to his lips, clumsily crashing them together as Rick let out one last muffled moan._ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh shit...” Kieren swore as he heard the front door open as Lisa and Jem came in with the food. “If you need uh, anything, go ahead and grab it, I’m going to go stop them from burning the house down cooking. You can come down whenever.” Kieren told him, his face pink at the tips._ _ _ _ _

_____Rick nodded, “Yeah, sounds good.” he replied as Kieren began to walk away. “Hang on...” he requested, grabbing Kieren’s wrist. Kieren turned to be met with a kiss. “Ren, I...”_ _ _ _ _

_____Kieren smiled before kissing Rick’s cheek, understanding what he meant, even if he couldn't say it. “I know... I do too.”_ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters left! (I said five a long time ago I think so sorry I think i lied... This should be true though!)


	12. I'm In Love With My Own Sins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning I probably sound like I know more about things than I really do in this chapter. I won't spoil what it is up here, but I apologize in advance for this. Remember, I'm American, I don't know how/if many things are different

Rick smiled like an absolute idiot as he watched Kieren go down the stairs. Even as he turned to do as Kieren had suggested, he kept smiling. He couldn’t believe what Kieren had told him. Sure, what had happened was incredible, he was definitely excited about that, but it was the words, even just implied ones, that left him with stars in his eyes.

Still beaming, he shook his head as he walked to the bathroom. He stopped for a moment, looking in the mirror. He couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at the pure giddiness he felt and the smile on his face.

\---

“Hungry?” Kieren questioned when he heard Rick’s footsteps coming down the stairs. Rick nodded, smiling. “Just in time, then, want to holler for Jem and Lisa outside?” he asked.

When Rick opened the door to get them, Lisa walked in straight away, but Jem hovered by the door, arms crossed. “I’m still mad at you, you know, even if Kier forgave you.”

Rick nodded, “I understand, Jem. I probably deserve it.”

“Kier told me that you think two mates... That that’s a sin for you know, you to like each other.” she told him, half curiously, half accusingly.

Rick shook his head. “I used to, but I don’t now.” he told her honestly. When she simply kept gazing at him, he looked at her sincerely. “And if it is, then I’m in love with my own sins.”

“Just don’t fucking leave again.” Jem told him, throwing her arms around him. “Swear you won’t.”

Rick hugged her back. “I’d never dream of it.” he assured.

Jem remembered that the next morning when she went over to Kieren’s room to find them already awake, sleepily kissing under the covers. She only smiled at the blush that rose in Kieren’s cheeks after she knocked lightly on the open door to alert them of her presence before grabbing the notebook she had left in there the previous day that she had wanted. She reminded him quickly that their parents would be home soon.

 

When his sister left, Kieren turned back to Rick, quickly pecking him on the lips. “I guess you’ll have to take off, then.” he stated sadly. His disappointment turned into a laugh though as Rick nuzzled into him more. “I thought you had to leave before my parents get home.”

Rick pressed a trail of kisses down Kieren’s neck. “I want to make you feel good, like you did for me.” he said quietly, rubbing a hand up and down Kieren’s thigh. “Let me make you feel good.” he breathed.

Kieren let out a pleasure filled sigh at the light nipping Rick was now doing to his collarbone, but gently pulled his hair back a bit to make him look at him. “You already do, Rick. I don’t want you to get into trouble.” For good measure, he kissed Rick’s cheek.

Reluctantly, Rick agreed, still a bit disappointed that he couldn’t make Kieren feel how he had made him. He crawled out of the bed, kissing Kieren’s hair softly before sliding on his outer layer of clothes to wear for the walk to his house. With a parting kiss, Rick took the leisurely stroll back to his house, knowing he’d have to face his dad eventually.

“There he is, where were you last night, son?” Bill asked his son as he walked towards him and the vehicle he didn’t recognize. “I’ll tell you, if you ever have any, kids’ll be the death of you around this age.” Bill joked with the man standing with him.

“Was with a friend and it got late, I phoned mum to let you know, must’ve forgot to tell you when you got home.” Rick lied. He was getting better at not getting his stomach tied in knots every time he did. It was survival, at this point, after what had happened. “Sorry, I’ll leave you to it, got to do some chores for mum.”

“No you don’t son, you’ve got a visitor.” Bill told him, nodding towards the uniformed gentleman he had been speaking to.

Rick turned more towards the man, trying to decipher if he knew him. He had assumed him to be there simply because his father was rather vested in his support of the army. “Staff Sergeant Matthew Harris.” he offered a hand to Rick, who shook it firmly. “Your father was telling me you’re thinking of joining up, thought it’d help to talk to someone who knows all about it.” he smiled.

Rick’s eyes flickered towards his father, surprised by the fact he had actually brought a recruiter to Roarton just to try to get him to join up. “Rick Macy, nice to meet you. Would you like to come in, get some tea on if you like.” Rick offered.

Matthew nodded, “Yeah, but if it wouldn’t be too much of a bother, sometimes it’s better to have these talks without parents there, fewer distractions, if you don’t mind, sir.”

Bill nodded his consent. “I suppose we could go up to my room, that’d be the best private spot in the house, I suppose.” Rick offered.

“Thought a walk might be nice, if you don’t mind.” the Staff Sergeant suggested. Rick nodded. “Lead the way, you must know Roarton better than I do.”

The first bit of the walk was filled with silence as Rick strolled, head down, not sure what to say. How could he tell someone who came all the way to the sleepy town of Roarton that the Army was his dad’s dream for him, not his own? He chewed his lip as he mulled over the thoughts swarming his head. He would probably be good at it, he was quite an athlete and a good shot, but the military seemed daunting to him.

“Seems like a good place to sit, doesn’t it?” the other snapped Rick from his thoughts as they stopped at a bench near the edge of the trees. Rick just sat down in agreement. “What makes you interested in the army?”

“My dad’s suggestion, I suppose. Don’t think I would have thought of it independently.” Rick told him honestly. “He was going to be in it himself, but couldn’t with a heart condition he’s got.” Rick explained. What he left out was how Bill hoped to live his glory days through Rick.

They spent a good hour talking about the military. Rick still wasn’t sold on joining, something that he was constantly reassured that was fine. He did feel more comfortable though, knowing more about it. For the first time in his life, he was considering his father’s lifelong dream for him. Then at least he’d be proud of him.

Proud. His father could never be proud of him after what had happened... What was going on between him and Ren. He never wanted to let Ren go though. He wanted to hold on to the slight boy for all he was worth for as long as it took for him to get sick of him. If he joined the army though, certainly he couldn’t be with Ren.

Rick cleared his throat awkwardly. “So, I’ve got a mate... He’s thinking of joining up too.” Rick started.

“This mate got a name?”

“It’s not important, really. He’s uh, not from around here, from the city where he can just go talk to someone any time, but he’s afraid that the army would turn him down because he, uh...” Rick cleared his throat. “Guess what I’m asking, for my mate, what the army would do with a gay soldier.”

The other smiled. “Well, you can tell your mate...” he started, knowingly, “That the army might not seem like the place for people like that, but none of it matters, really. It’s a band of brothers, no one cares who your mate sleeps with when he’s with them as they fight for their country.”

Rick smiled, feeling accepted for the first time by someone other than the Walkers. “Thank you.” he said softly. “I’ll uh, tell my mate that then.” he told him. He thanked him after receiving a card to call him with any more questions. He actually pocketed it.

\---

“Are you finished yet?” Rick asked, trying not to laugh.

Kieren huffed behind his canvas. “If you would quit moving so much, I’d probably be able to do this a lot quicker, you know.”

Rick distracted himself by watching Kieren. Jem had to go to the city with her parents to get a few things, so they sat in the Walker house, knowing it was theirs for most of the day. Kieren had asked rick permission to paint him, so there he was, just sitting there, watching the blonde stick his tongue out as he mixed a color. Opposite of the tongue was a new fake lip piercing that Kieren had somehow obtained, still not allowed to get it actually done. Rick actually liked the way it felt when it was squeezed between his own lips.

Kieren took a small step back, glancing between Rick and the painting. “That should do it...” He muttered.

“Can I see it?” Rick asked excitedly. He always loved Kieren’s art, thinking that he himself unable to create something that beautiful. When Kieren turned the canvas, he beamed. “That’s fantastic, Ren. Just like you.”

Kieren bit the fake piercing, making it slip out of place as his face turned pink. “Thanks.” he said quietly.

“Mean it.” Rick told him, getting up and wrapping his arms around the embarrassed artist. He pulled him in to kiss him deeply. 

Months had passed, leaving Rick with almost no reservations about their relationship as long as they were alone. Neither had worked up to courage to utter the “L” word yet, but it was carefully placed in every tender glance, every warm embrace, and every kiss they shared. That’s why he didn’t hesitate for a moment when Kieren suggested “Bedroom?” against his lips.

It had become familiar for them to simply kiss as they grinded against each other in the bed, like “the horny teenagers” they were, as Kieren had joked one time. This time had started like any other, but Kieren’s hands found their way to the waist of Rick’s jeans, hesitating there for a moment.

“Alright if we, you know, have a bit less on?” Kieren asked, breathing heavy after breaking the heated kiss.

“Oh yeah.” Rick agreed, suppressing a moan at the thought of kieren exposed to him. Kieren fumbled for a bit with the jeans Rick was in before Rick muttered, “I’ve got it, Ren.”, and took off the restricting denim.

Kieren took a bit more time, his skin tight jeans proving to be a pain to remove quickly. Rick helped him finish before grabbing the hem of his shirt. Kieren nodded, so Rick slid it above Kieren’s head, taking advantage of the newly exposed skin as he peppered him with kisses. Rick’s shirt was soon discarded too, Kieren’s hands quick to run up and down his chest.

Kieren found the sensitive spot on Rick’s collarbone and began working his way down from there. Rick’s breathing hitched as he realized Kieren’s intentions. He kept running his fingers through Kieren’s hair, hips involuntarily moving up and down seeking any friction he could get.

“Ren, you don’t have to...” Rick tried to convince him, though his voice showed how desperate he was for Kieren to continue.

“I want to.” Kieren told him, glancing up after kissing below Rick’s navel, right where his underwear sat on his stomach. As if Kieren’s eyes didn’t have enough of an effect on him as was, the angle he viewed Kieren from and the desire in Kieren’s eyes was too much. He nodded when Kieren slipped two fingers in the waistband of his boxers, tugging them down before engulfing Rick in his mouth.

\---

“Shit...” Rick breathed contently as Kieren curled up into him.

“Yeah.” Kieren agreed, senselessly tracing his finger along Rick’s chest, still in a daze from what had just happened. He was smirking still, satisfaction clearly written across his face.

Rick held Kieren tightly, no intentions of letting go any time soon. Neither wanted the moment to ever end as they laid in the other’s arms. Rick started kissing Kieren’s neck again, wherever he could reach as they lazed around together in the soft glow of the late afternoon sun through Kieren’s window.

“Do I ever have to leave?” Rick asked rhetorically, though Kieren responded anyways.

“I wish you wouldn’t.”

\---

The phone rang six times, about to go to the message machine, when Hilary Clarke was able to reach the phone off the receiver. Of course her son was no help, yelling only “Mum, phone!” because he couldn’t pause his blasted video game.

“Clarke residence.” She answered cheerily to hide the irritation she was feeling. “What can I do for you?”

“Hilary?” a male voice on the other line questioned.

“Yeah, that’s me.”she confirmed, slightly confused about who was calling.

“You mind sending Rick home? He was supposed to be home an hour ago.” Bill tried to ask politely.

Janet flinched when he heard his voice suddenly raise, “What do you mean he’s not there?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically I don't know a damn thing about military recruitment, if it makes you feel better let's say Matt over there is like a family friend of the Macy's and Bill wanted him to talk Rick into joining. Also I'm not sure if the same ranking systems are used as in the US military or not so sorry if that's wrong.
> 
> Two more chapters! I hope to have them up this weekend still, but I haven't written them yet. One will be a regular chapter and the other will be a slightly shorter epilogue. Thanks as always for reading, I hope you're prepared for the ending because I'm not (and if it's a comfort a sequel is at least partially planned)


	13. Ultimatum

Kieren woke up as he felt a blanket being draped over him. His eyes flickered open, confused when he realized both of Rick’s arms were still wrapped around his waist, his head buried in Rick’s chest. He turned towards where he felt the hands coming from.

“Mum?” he whispered, startled.

Sue leaned down and placed a kiss on her son’s forehead. “I love you, Kier.” she told him quietly. “Good night, love.”

“Night, mum.” he replied quietly.

His heart was still racing a bit from the encounter, but he couldn’t help but smile. He looked at Rick, fast asleep next to him and let out a content sigh. There was nothing more incredible to him than the amount of love he felt in that very moment. His last thought before drifting off to sleep was that his entire life was perfect, and no one could stop it.

\---

Rick’s eyes slowly flickered open, immediately met with large brown irises. He flinched a bit before both of them laughed quietly. Kieren stretched his neck to quickly kiss Rick.

“Happy birthday, old man.” Kieren teased after pulling away.

Rick laughed, “Got to respect your elders, don’t you Ren?” He stuck his tongue out at Kieren after he had done the same, both falling into a fit of mutual laughter. Suddenly, it dawned on Rick how bright it was in the room without any lights turned on. “Shit!” he exclaimed, jumping out of the bed, quickly putting a jacket over the clothes he had slept in. “My parents will be awake.” he explained, worriedly.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Rick, neither of us even thought about that.”

“Not your fault, Ren. My parents think I’m at Tommy’s anyways, I’ll be fine.” he explained, adjusting the clothes from yesterday a bit to look slightly less disheveled. “Want to meet in the den tonight ‘round midnight?”

Kieren nodded. “Sounds good.” He quickly kissed Rick’s cheek. “See you then.”

Rick snuck down the stairs as stealthily as possible, hoping not to draw the attention of any of the Walkers. Jem had caught sight of him, but because they were on good terms again, she distracted her parents to allow him to leave unnoticed.

Despite nerves, he couldn’t stop smiling as he walked back to his house, hands shoved in his pockets. He couldn’t begin to explain how good Kieren always made him feel. It was like he could finally see his own worth. The smile was wiped clean off of his face when he opened the door to his house.

“And where the hell were you?!” Bill demanded, shoving himself up from where he sat at the table.

“Sorry, I should’ve phoned. I fell asleep at Tommy’s and just spent the night there.”

“Bull shit, I called there last night.” Bill accused. “Where were you actually?”

Rick swallowed, “I’m 18 dad, can’t get a bit more freedom?” he asked. Bill simply continued to glower at him. “I was with a mate.”

Bill crossed his arms. “Which one?”

Rick bit his lip, trying to fight the nausea rising in his stomach. “S’not important.” he said quietly.

“You were with that bloody Walker boy, weren’t you?” Bill demanded. He took a step towards Rick, who backed up until his back met the counter before his father reached him. “You’ve got some of his fucking paint on you!”

Rick fought to breathe as his heart hammered in his chest. “I’m sorry...” he choked out. “He’s my best mate, dad, I’m sorry.”

Bill’s jaw clenched even more than it had been previously, his face nearly crimson. “That’s it, you’re off in the army starting tomorrow, or I’m going to kill that disgusting excuse of a boy for defiling you like he has.” he shook his head, “Knew something was off about that boy from the beginning, I let you two be mates too long, now you think you’re like that, do you?”

“I...” Rick willed the tears welling in his eyes to remain there. “No, I don’t.” he lied for self preservation. 

\---

Rick had packed away almost everything that he would need by the time midnight was approaching. His parents were both asleep, saying they needed more sleep if they were driving Rick out to the base right away tomorrow. Bill tried to tell him he was proud of him more choosing the army, but Rick felt sick at any mention of it.

He snuck out silently _for the last time ___, he reminded himself. When he passed the package Bill had given him months ago, he grabbed a few of the contents out of pure defiance before finding his way to the den.

During the walk to the cave, he tried to find comfort in the fact that Ren had gotten into art school he’d be off to bigger better places in no time. Really, he was just dead weight keeping Kieren in Roarton, the awful town he had never truly belonged in. Rick, on the other hand, had no future anywhere else. May as well try to forage one in the army to help Ren cut off one more string keeping him there. 

As per usual, Kieren already sat in the den, candles lit, face buried in his sketch book. He smiled at Rick when he entered and put an arm around his waist, letting him finish what he was working on. Rick was examining the drawing, trying to figure out the significance when Kieren ripped out the page. 

“It’s sort of lame, but...” Kieren started shyly. He offered the sheet to Rick. “Thought this would be an easy way to remember me when I’m off to art school, you know? You’re dad won’t have to know that I drew it, and...” 

Rick cut off Kieren’s ramblings with a kiss. “Thank you, Ren.” he smiled, sincerely. “But can I ask, a bird?” 

“A wren.” Kieren explained. “Birds migrate, yeah? But they always come back, just like when I go off to art school, I’ll come back for you.” 

Rick folded it carefully, sticking it in his pocket before pulling Kieren into his arms. He half considered telling him what would happen the next day, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Of all the things Rick Macy was capable of, hurting Kieren Walker was not something he could do with ease. 

Instead, Rick let his hand wander down Kieren’s sides, wanting to memorize every contour while he could still call Kieren his. He tried to commit to memory the feeling of his lips against his, the way he tasted, the small noises he made in the back of his throat. 

“Rick?” Kieren asked quietly. Rick stopped kissing the spot on Kieren’s neck that usually had him squirming to give his whole attention to Kieren. “I... I want to go further. If, you know, if you do.” 

Rick kissed Kieren, his fingers quickly tangling in his hair. Kieren moaned as he moved more onto Rick, enthusiastically returning the kiss. His hands trailed down Rick’s shirt, unbuttoning it as he went, desperate for the layer to be gone. Rick let out a moan as Kieren kissed at his exposed skin, dropping his hands to Rick’s belt. 

“H-hang on...” Rick told him, grabbing his wrist to move his hand away. 

Kieren looked at him confused, an almost hurt look on his face. “Don’t... Don’t you want me?” he asked, vulnerability clear in his voice. 

Rick grabbed Kieren’s neck, gently making him meet his gaze. “‘Course I do, Ren. How could you think I didn’t?” he asked, pulling Kieren’s forehead to rest against his own. “There’s nothing I want more, Ren.” 

“Then why’d you stop me?” he questioned. 

Rick sighed, “You deserve better, Ren. Better than the den, and better than me.” 

Kieren wrapped his arms around Rick’s neck, kissing his nose. “I don’t want better than you, Rick. There isn’t such a thing, not for me.” 

“But in the den?” Rick asked softly. “First time should be more special than that, Ren.” He told him, softly stroking a bit of his hair. “Are your parents home?” 

Kieren nodded. “Rick, there isn’t a place I’d rather be. It’s ours. It’s perfect.” he insisted. 

Rick smiled, finally nodding in agreement. “Ok.” he said softly. “If you’re sure.” 

Kieren let out a small laugh, the mixture of excitement and nerves released from his body. Under him, Rick too began to chuckle a bit before capturing the other boy’s smile in a kiss. Rick reached beside him to arrange the various pillows they had in whatever way possible to try to make Kieren possible when he laid him down on it, taking over as the one straddling him. 

There were so many things Rick wanted to tell him as he slowly stripped Kieren down but he couldn’t find the words. Instead, he simply tried that much harder to make sure Kieren was happy. Kieren shivered underneath him, reaching up to hold Rick’s neck, pulling him to his lips. He kissed him needily before reaching down to Rick’s jeans, taking his belt off slowly. Rick pressed his forehead to Kieren’s as he breathed heavily with the soft touches. 

He sat up higher both to make it easier for Kieren and to remove his own shirt the rest of the way. “Ren...” he breathed as the other grasped him and stroked him hesitantly a few times. “You’re sure?” he clarified, one more time. 

“Of course, Rick. Please.” Kieren gasped out. 

\--- 

Rick breathed heavily as Kieren kissed his jaw, nipping at it before he cuddled up into his chest. Rick pulled him closer, grabbing the blanket and pulling it around them. He grabbed Kieren’s face, kissing him softly. 

“Alright?” he asked, stroking his cheek tenderly. Kieren nodded, a sheepish smile on his lips. “Good. Me too. More than, really.” he let out a quiet chuckle. 

Kieren returned the laugh quietly before kissing Rick again. “Me too.” he whispered. 

Rick kissed him softly on the nose. “You’re incredible.” 

“You’re spending the night here, yeah?” Kieren asked him, his head tilting up to look Rick in the eyes. 

“For a bit, Ren. My dad’s pissed, so I’ve got to be back before he’ll wake up.” he told him. 

“Yeah.” Kieren replied, understanding. “Good night, Rick.” he said quietly before shutting his eyes, the exhaustion he felt kicking in. 

“Good night, Ren.” Rick smiled, kissing his forehead. He pulled Kieren in closer until he heard his breathing even out. He couldn’t sleep, the crushing thought of having to break Kieren’s heart the next morning. He sighed one last time, looking down at the sleeping boy. “I love you, Ren.” he whispered before finally trying to sleep. 

Not too long after, Rick’s watch beeped, waking Kieren from the most blissful sleep he had had for quite some time. Rick had hardly slept at all, but did his best to feign alertness when Kieren wished him a good morning, kissing him. 

They both laced up their shoes, starting the walk back to the real world, back where they couldn’t be together hand in hand. Rick knew somewhere that it would be his last time to the den, the last time he would be in their own special world, where only they knew about the love they shared, the most intimate of each other’s thoughts. Rick fought tears when Kieren spoke up at the tree’s edge. 

“See you tomorrow?” Kieren asked hopefully. 

“See you tomorrow.” Rick choked out before wrapping his arms around the boy he loved more than he had ever loved himself for the last time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, please don't hate me. Epilogue up as soon as possible, I promise my dears.


	14. Epilogue

Numb. That was the only way Kieren could describe how he felt just a week after Rick’s disappearance. The first week had been spent in tears, worried fits taking over, meals skipped because he was too nauseous at the thought of his kind, gentle-hearted Rick in the Army.

He tried to understand why he left, he really did, but there was nothing that could console him, not Jem spending the night in his room, holding him the way he used to hold her through her nightmares. Suddenly it was like she was the older sibling, responsible for him. He hated the amount of tears he saturated her sleep shirt with, the hours of sleep he had stolen from her as he cried over some stupid boy.

What was worse was hearing Bill Macy brag about it any chance he got. The fourth day, Sue had dragged Kieren out of the house, insisting that he needed to make the shopping trip with her. There, they ran into Bill shouting about how his son was a hero, unlike the worthless waste of breath that some people were. They already had a potential deployment date for Rick’s squadron, with the way the war was going, sometimes training had to finish with experience. Sue had tried to rush him away from the source of all his problems, but Kieren was cemented in place until Bill turned towards him.

“Speakin’ of useless...” Bill laughed to the small group gathered around him to hear his bullshit stories of how long Rick had wanted to join up.

Kieren punched him in the jaw.

\---

He wrote letters, multiple ones a day, begging for an explanation. One just said “I love you”. Another, “I hate you, how could you leave me?”

Weeks passed. No response.

\---

He didn’t know what made him do it, but her grabbed the bag he sometimes took out to the den late one night, or early in the morning, November 30th, 2009, and made his way out there one last time. He knew Rick could never kill anyone. Rick was going to die, and it was all his fault. He was the reason Bill had driven him out of Roarton, why he would be shipped out to the desert to die.

If there was an after life, he should have someone waiting there for him.

\---

They found his body three days later. Jem hated herself for not thinking of the location earlier, not telling her parents that that was where he and Rick...

Grief counselors told Sue and Steve that it was perfectly normal for someone Jem’s age to fill with rage after something so tragic, that she just needed more help with it. Didn’t they all?

Steve hardly spoke anymore, and if he did, it certainly wasn’t about the gaping hole left in their family. The first night they sat down at the table together again to try to have a normal dinner, he set a place for Kieren without thinking. He just left it there, as if he was expecting an irresponsible teenage son to come home late, expecting to sit down to the dinner table with them.

Sue tried, she really did, but with her son gone, there wasn’t much that she could do. She tried to be the strong one for the family, but her own heart laid in pieces. If she didn’t have a whole one to reference, how could she possibly reassemble her husband’s and daughter’s?

After the funeral, Steve popped out to check the post. Sue hadn’t heard him speak a word for two days. His voice was hoarse from a lack of use when he walked back in with a letter. “It’s addressed to him.”

They locked their eyes for a moment, a silent decision being made. Sue’s hand shook as she reached for it, slowly unsealing it.

_Ren,_

_I’m sorry that I left like I did. I didn’t have a choice, Ren, I swear it. My dad said if I didn’t leave, didn’t join the army, he’d kill you. Please believe me._

_Ren, I want you to know, you’re the only one who’s ever given a damn about me, and I won’t ever forget you, but I want you to forget about me. I don’t deserve you, never did. You deserve someone who can love you, not hide you. Someone who actually will be right beside you when you make it big._

_I look at that wren every damn day, wishing it’d somehow transform into you. Too bad that’s not how life works._

_I never had the guts to tell you this, Ren, but I love you. I love you more than you’ll ever know. I’ll keep you right in my heart as long as I live._

_Love,  
Rick x ___

Sue sobbed for the first time since Steve had carried his body home. Steve was in his now characteristic silence. 

“He was...” Sue nodded in response to her husband’s unfinished question. “And you...” 

“Yes I knew.” Sue replied, burying her face into his shoulder. “I should’ve known this would happen... I should have known, Steve.” 

\--- 

On the day mail was delivered, Rick again eagerly waited, hoping today would be the day he got a response from Kieren. He had said he wanted Kieren to forget about him, but that was a lie. He wanted nothing more than for Kieren to reply and tell him when he was done with his bullshit playing in all that damned sand that he’d have a place waiting for him in his flat at art school. That they could start their life together. 

“Still nothing?” Cains asked, walking up next to him. Rick shook his head. “Sorry, mate.” 

“I thought today...” Rick sighed. 

Cains smiled apologetically. “He’s an artist, isn’t he? Their pretty disorganized, aren’t they? He could’ve misplaced the original letter and not had a return, or lost his response, thinking he sent it didn’t look for it.” 

Rick shrugged. “Thanks for trying, Cains.” He sighed, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the now worn out sheet of paper. 

“If he really loves you, Macy, he’ll write you.” 

Rick just kept staring at the lines on the paper, wishing he was the bird so he could fly back to Roarton, swoop in, take Kieren, and find somewhere to start again. He knew it was a stupid wish, but it was the only thing that got him through the days he spent in Afghanistan. 

A commotion stirred him from his thoughts. He heard shouting, recognizing the command for his patrol. He quickly was ready, his gun like a lead weight on his shoulder as he stood at point. 

They were only a few meters out when he felt the ground shake, then suddenly, blackness. 

\--- 

A set of disoriented eyes flickered open in a nearly entirely dark room. 

“Where... Where am I?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all she wrote, folks! Actually, don't be disappointed, I wouldn't entirely end a story like that. I'll be starting a sequel to this soon, probably next weekend. I'd really just like to thank everyone who has read this and personally thank all of you for the kind words and support that you've given me. Every comment, every kudos, every bookmark really made me want to finish this out for you guys, and to make it as good as I could. I really genuinely hoped you all enjoyed it, I had a blast writing it for both yourself and me. Hope to see you all reading the sequel :)

**Author's Note:**

> As always, feedback is welcomed and appreciated :) I'm going to try to post chapters on a weekly basis, but I make to promises with my busy schedule. Thanks as always for reading!


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